


(They All Know) What You Did Last Summer

by AvatarNia



Series: Tales from Albany High [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Being an Asshole, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Childhood Trauma, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, George Washington is a Dad, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Maria Reynolds deserved better, Modern Era, Next Generation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Susan Reynolds deserved better, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvatarNia/pseuds/AvatarNia
Summary: "Dear Diary,Starting high school is hard. Starting high school when everyone knows about your mother's affair with the English teacher is harder."Susan Reynolds never had an easy life. From her absent father to her family's financial troubles, she always had to struggle to scrape by. Now, her life is about to get a whole lot harder as she's going into her freshman year at Albany High, where nobody knows her name but everybody knows who she is.The girl whose mother had an affair with Alexander Hamilton.Hamilton Next Gen Modern AU
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Angelica Hamilton/Mary Jefferson, Frances Laurens/Marie Antoinette Virginie du Motier, Georges Washington de Lafayette/William Mulligan, Theodosia Burr Alston/Philip Hamilton
Series: Tales from Albany High [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678942
Comments: 26
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

_ September 1st, 2019 _

_ “Dear Diary, _

_ Starting high school is hard. Starting high school where everyone knows about your mother’s affair with the English teacher is harder. Ever since June, everyone knows the Reynolds name, my name. I begged my mother to keep me homeschooled, but she has to work overtime now that Dad’s gone. She doesn’t think I should be home alone all day. I guess she’s right.” _

Susan Reynolds closed her diary and tucked it back into her backpack just as her mother pulled up to the school gate. She opened the car door when she noticed that her mother wasn’t getting out.

“Mum? Aren’t you coming?”

Maria Reynolds shook her head. “We have teacher's parking around the side.”

“Alright.” Susan closed the door behind her and waved goodbye. As her mother drove away, she turned back towards the gate. Albany High was one of the biggest public schools in the city, and a big school means more people who know what happened last summer.

Though who was she kidding? They all know what happened last summer.

“Hey, Susan!”

Her best friend’s voice startled her out of her thoughts. She turned slightly to see Theo running up to her with a big smile.

“Morning, Theo.”

Theodosia Burr was Susan’s best friend ever since the Reynolds family moved to Albany two years ago. Theo was a year older and lived across the street from Susan. The two were as close as sisters, and Theo was a big support for Susan after the affair became public.

Last June, Susan’s mother had an affair with Alexander Hamilton, the English teacher at Albany High. After Hamilton was accused of fraud, he wrote a ninety-seven page blog about the affair in hopes of clearing his name. The plan worked, though it backfired on the Reynolds family. Her father left them, disappearing without so much as a word. Though no legal papers were signed, her mother said they were divorced. He did some illegal stuff on the side, so it’s not like she missed him anyway. 

The biggest impact was, of course, on Maria. Her reputation was ruined and no one wanted anything to do with her. Principal Washington let her keep her job as a librarian at Albany High, but from what Susan heard, she never left the library and preferred not to visit the staff room.

“Ready for your first day?” Theo asked her.

Susan shrugged. “As ready as I can be, I guess.” 

The Reynolds girl was overwhelmed the second she stepped inside the huge building. Her middle school back in her home state was much smaller, with a lot less people. And of course, no one knew about any affair back then.

“Theo? Do you know anybody who would be in my class?”

Theodosia thought for a moment. “One of Philip’s brothers is starting high school today. Alexander Jr. He’ll probably be in your class.”

Susan cursed under her breath. Philip was Theo’s boyfriend and was starting his junior year. Susan didn’t know much about him, except for one thing. He was a Hamilton, and so was his little brother. The last thing she needed was a Hamilton in her class. Could she be homeschooled from the school library?

“Earth to Susan!” Theo waved a hand in front of her face. Susan looked around and found herself in a long hallway with multiple doors on each side. When did they have time to get there? 

Theo laughed at Susan’s surprised face. “Your Form class is on the left.” She said, pointing to the door. “Mine’s across the hallway. Come find me at lunch, okay?”

“Okay.” Susan nodded, her heart slowly sinking. She forgot that Theo wouldn’t be in her class. She watched Theo disappear into her class, and walked towards her own.

This was it. The first step was always the hardest, right? Maybe it won’t be too bad. Maybe she will blend into the background until next year when everyone forgets about the affair. Susan shook her head to clear it, took a deep breath and stepped inside the classroom.

She froze in her tracks. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this. In her nightmares, she imagined high school to be a scene straight from Hell, complete with demons taunting her about her mother’s affair and a boiling pot where she would be punished for one of the seven deadly sins. But in reality, it was a room. A completely normal room.

Her eyes trailed over the bright classroom, over the other kids chatting away at desks, and finally stopped on the woman sitting at the teacher’s table. 

She was wearing a yellow sundress with a white cardigan over it. Her brown hair was tied back into a ponytail. She looked up and gave Susan a bright smile, pulling out her register. 

“And what’s your name?”

Susan stepped closer to the teacher’s table so she wouldn’t have to shout her name over the entire classroom. “Susan. Susan Reynolds.”

The woman frowned for a second, before checking Susan’s name off on her register and looking back to her, a smile returning to her face.

“Nice to meet you, Susan. Take a seat anywhere you want.”

Susan immediately headed for the very back of the classroom, trying to avoid eye contact. She pretended to not notice the odd look the teacher gave her.

Once everyone else arrived and was seated, the teacher stood up and called for their attention.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m your Form tutor, Margarita Van Rensselaer.” She chuckled at the looks on the students’ faces as they processed her name. “But you can call me Miss Peggy.”

Susan blinked in confusion. Since when is Peggy short for Margarita? Part of her wanted to ask, but it seemed a little rude.

“I also teach art, music and drama. Today, I’m going to hand out your schedules and then you can head to your first class. Alright?”

After getting a few nods around the room, Miss Peggy passed out the schedules. Susan skimmed over it, memorizing the times for lunch breaks. As everyone got up and headed for the door to go to their first class, she went back to the top of the schedule and a pit formed in her stomach.

_ **8:00-9:25 | History | Class U3 | Mrs. Elizabeth Hamilton** _

_ Oh no _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan makes a new friend.

Susan walked behind the rest of her classmates as they trudged into the U3 room. The teacher hasn’t arrived yet, which gave Susan time to calm her nerves. The spots in the back of the classroom were already filled, so Susan resigned herself to sitting in the second row, next to a girl with green eyes and blonde curls.

“Hi, I’m Fanny.” It took Susan a few seconds to register that the girl was talking to her.

She gave a shy smile in return. “Susan.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before. You didn’t go to the middle school across the road last year, did you?” Fanny asked.

“No, I was homeschooled.”

“Homeschooled? That sounds so cool!” Fanny exclaimed. “Wait, so you know nothing about high school? Like, at all?”

“Only from the movies.” Susan said. “And I’m not sure how much I can trust those.”

The blonde girl smiled. “Well, let me tell you something. Public school isn’t as bad as the movies make it out to be, but it’s not High School Musical either.”

“I’ve actually never seen High School Musical.” Susan admitted.

Fanny’s jaw dropped. “Never? That’s it, the very first chance I get, I’m showing you the movie!”

Susan laughed, her worries forgotten for a moment. Maybe high school wouldn’t be so bad if she had a friend in her class. Someone she could depend on when Theo wasn’t around.

All her anxiety came rushing back when the door opened and a woman wearing a dark blue blazer over a light blue dress walked in. A woman who could only be Elizabeth Hamilton.

“Good morning, kids. I’m Mrs. Hamilton, your history teacher.” She said, her eyes skimming the register in her hands.

Susan caught the slight furrow of her brow that could only mean she reached her name. Mrs. Hamilton looked around the room and stared in Susan’s direction. Of course, Susan was a near spitting image of her mother.

The Reynolds girl looked up and met Mrs. Hamilton’s gaze, locking eyes with her. She fought the urge to raise an eyebrow, as if to ask why she was staring, but she didn’t want to start her first lesson off on bad terms with the teacher.

Though considering what happened the previous summer, starting off on bad terms was an understatement. 

Finally, Mrs. Hamilton gave her a smile and moved on to other students. Susan turned back around to find Fanny’s eyes flickering between her and the teacher in confusion.

“Is everything okay? You were staring at each other for, like, a minute.”

Susan shook her head. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just… thought I knew her from somewhere.”

“She’s Miss Peggy’s older sister, you know?” Fanny said.

“Really?” Susan raised both eyebrows in surprise. Her mother never mentioned that Elizabeth Hamilton had a sister on the faculty. “They don’t really look alike.”

“Yep. And the geography teacher, Angelica Church, is the oldest of the three. They call them the Schuyler Sisters, though they’re not exactly Schuylers anymore.”

Susan didn’t have time to respond as Mrs. Hamilton was starting the lesson. Both girls pulled out their textbooks, flipping to the required page. Susan could only hope Mrs. Hamilton wouldn’t be biased against her, though she had every reason to be. Susan’s mother nearly destroyed the Hamilton marriage, after all.

The lesson passed quickly, and Mrs. Hamilton didn’t even spare a glance in Susan’s direction again. As Susan and Fanny walked into the maths classroom, laughing at a joke Fanny just cracked, Susan was slightly startled to see Aaron Burr sitting at the teacher’s table. 

The surprised feeling was quickly replaced with comfort. Mr. Burr was Theodosia’s father. He helped her and her mother out after her father left them. Of course, she knew he was the maths teacher, but considering all the anxiety she was dealing with that day, it simply slipped her mind. 

He was too engrossed in a book to notice her when she walked by. She motioned Fanny to wait for her, and cleared her throat.

“Good morning, Mr. Burr.”

Looking up from his book, Mr. Burr gave her a bright smile. “Morning, Susan! I hope you’re having a great day so far. What was your first lesson?”

“History.” Susan replied. “With Mrs. Hamilton.”

“Mrs. Hamilton, huh?” Mr. Burr’s face dropped for a moment. “Susan, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know you can always come to me, alright?”

“I know, Mr. Burr. And thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Susan. Off you go now, class is starting soon.” He said, waving her off.

As Susan sat beside Fanny, the blonde girl started bombarding her with questions.

“So, how do you know Mr. Burr?”

“He’s my neighbour from across the road, and the father of a friend of mine.” Susan explained.

Fanny tilted her head to the side. “You know Theodosia as well?”

Susan smiled. “Well, yeah, she’s kinda my best friend.” 

“Oh, so you’re  _ that  _ Susan! Theo talks a lot about you, you know? She was so excited for us to meet you when she found out you were coming to this school.” Fanny leaned forward with excitement.

“ _ Us _ ? How many people do you mean by that, exactly?” Susan asked, feeling her anxiety start to bubble up.

“Well let’s see. There’s me, obviously, Frances Laurens, the Lafayettes and the Hamiltons, so that’s…” Fanny did a quick count in her head. “Twelve people. Or nine, because I’m not sure you’ll be meeting Anastasie de Lafayette or William and Eliza Hamilton anytime soon.”

Susan’s insides went cold. “The Hamiltons? I mean, I know Theo is dating Philip, but-”

“Philip’s brother is in our class, well, one of his brothers. Over there, in the first row.” Fanny pointed. “That’s Alex. He’s a little rough at first, but such a sweetheart once you get to know him.”

“You’re pretty close with the Hamiltons, aren’t you?” Susan asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

Fanny laughed. “Oh, more than that! I was fostered by them as a kid. They’re all like siblings to me.” 

“Is that so…?” Susan mumbled, getting more nervous by the second.

“I lived with them until two years ago, though I come over so often it doesn’t even feel like I’ve moved out. We still have a little saying in the family. ‘Antill by blood, Hamilton by heart.’” Susan could clearly see how proud Fanny was of being an honorary Hamilton, so she refrained from making a comment.

“That’s nice.” She said, inwardly cringing at how tense she sounded.

Fanny’s smile vanished. “Susan, are you sure you’re alright? You’re acting kinda strange.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine. I’m just nervous. First day of high school, you know? Nothing to worry about.” Susan realized she was rambling and managed to stop the flow of words, instead choosing to open her textbook in preparation for the lesson.

“If you say so.” Fanny shrugged, following Susan’s example. The Reynolds girl sighed, trying to focus on whatever Mr. Burr was saying and unsuccessfully attempting keep her mind off the prospect of meeting the Hamiltons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, if you didn’t know, Fanny is Frances Antill, an orphan who was raised by the Hamiltons from 1787 to 1797. When she was twelve when she went to live with her older sister. Alexander and Eliza loved her as their own, so it felt right to include her in the story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I, a private school kid, include public school cafeteria stereotypes

The cafeteria was way more overwhelming than Susan was expecting. The sheer amount of students all talking at once made her feel claustrophobic. The smell of school food filled her nose, and she fought the urge to gag. She heard that public school food was bad, but was it that bad?

Fanny chuckled at her expression. “Yeah,  _ I know _ . Don’t worry, I was overwhelmed on my first day too. It takes a while to get used to it. Come on, we can go sit with Theodosia.”

Susan followed Fanny through the crowds, holding her breath as to not inhale the smell and trying to keep her breakfast down. Did they serve week old tuna here or something?

“Hey, Theo, you never told me Susan would be in my class!” Fanny told the Burr girl once they reached her table. She sat opposite of Theo, and Susan sat next to her.

Theo was sitting next to a slightly older boy. He had curly, brown hair and freckles splattered across his nose. He waved at Fanny before turning his attention to Susan.

“Guess I forgot to mention it.” Theo shrugged. “Oh, by the way, this is Susan. Susan, this is Philip.” 

“Nice to meet you, Susan.” Philip smiled. 

Susan fiddled with the hem of her red sweater. “Does he know about...you know?”

“That you’re a Reynolds? Yeah. But he’s totally okay with it! Aren’t you, Philip?” Theo said, turning to her boyfriend.

“Of course I’m okay with it, why wouldn’t I be?” Philip assured her. “It’s not your fault, after all. Not like it’s your mother’s fault! I don’t blame either of you! Did that sound bad? I didn’t mean it to sound bad!”

Theo put a hand on his shoulder. “Philip, I think she gets it.”

Susan smiled at him, holding back a laugh. “It’s alright, really. How about we leave all that behind us, hm?” She extended a hand to him.

“I’d love to.” He shook her hand, both of them laughing at the formality.

Fanny turned to Susan, an apologetic look on her face. “Oh my lord, Susan, I’m so sorry! I’m such an idiot! I forgot you were a Reynolds and I talked so much about the Hamiltons and I saw that you were uncomfortable and I didn’t even realize!”

“It’s okay, Fanny, really!” Susan placed a hand in her shoulder to get her to stop talking. “You don’t need to stop talking about your family just because of what happened last summer.” 

At that moment, another girl plopped down in the spot beside Fanny, dropping her head onto the table and groaning in exasperation. 

“Frances? Is everything okay?” Theo asked, leaning over the table to poke the girl’s shoulder.

“Everything’s absolutely peachy!” The girl grumbled, raising her head. She brushed her dark blonde hair out of her eyes, revealing a freckle-covered face. “Mr. George held me back after class so I could help him turn off his computer.”

Philip rolled his eyes. “Why is he even the teacher if he can’t turn off his computer?”

“The better question is, how is he even the teacher if no one likes him?" Theo added.

“Who’s Mr. George?” Susan spoke up. 

“The computer science teacher, not to be confused with Principal Washington,” Theo explained. “We don’t know why he’s still on the job since he has no idea what he’s doing. Everyone hates him because he’s so self-absorbed and walks around acting like he’s the king of England. The only person who can stand him is Samuel Seabury, but he’s a teacher’s pet so he doesn’t count.”

The freckled girl finally seemed to notice Susan and smiled at her with tired eyes. “You’re Susan, right? I’m Frances Laurens.”

Susan’s eyes flickered between Frances and Fanny. “So, you have the same name?”

Fanny nodded, pulling Frances into a side hug. “Yep! Kinda ironic, isn’t it? We have the same name, we look alike, we’re both orphans-”

“You did not have to mention  _ that _ !” Frances swatted at her arm, though it was clear she wasn’t angry.

Susan chuckled awkwardly, though she had to admit the two looked similar. They could have been sisters if Frances didn’t have freckles, blue eyes and darker blonde hair.

Philip shook his head at Fanny’s antics. “Don’t mind her, she tends to overshare things about her life.”

Fanny mock-pouted, before laughing it off and taking a small container of strawberries out of her bag. “Anyone want one?”

“Oh, that reminds me-“ Theo took out something covered in tinfoil and handed it to Susan. “Your mum asked me to give this to you.”

Susan unpacked it to find a ham and cheese sandwich, which reminded her how hungry she was, having skipped breakfast. Mentally thanking her mum, she took a bite.

“By the way, has anyone seen the Lafayettes today?” Frances asked, stealing a strawberry from Fanny’s hand and pretending to ignore the fake offended look.

“They’re in detention,” Theo said. “They accidentally locked themselves in the broom cupboard on the second floor this morning and decided to climb out of the window to get out. Marie jumped and landed on the bushes just fine, but Georges chickened out last minute and ended up hanging from the windowsill. That’s how Mr. Jefferson found them. Marie was rolling on the grass and laughing while Georges screamed at her.”

Susan has no idea who the Lafayettes were, but she laughed along with everyone else because the mental image Theo’s story gave her was absolutely hilarious.

“Getting detention on the first day? That’s a record, even for them!” Fanny said in between laughs. “Sounds like Anastasie was at least ninety-five percent of their impulse control. They wouldn’t have gotten in trouble if she was here.”

“If Anastasie was here, she would be the one to throw Georges off the windowsill, Lion King style.” Philip argued.

Frances noticed Susan’s confused look. “Georges and Marie-Antoinette de Lafayette are kind of like the resident pranksters here. Anastasie is their older sister. She decided to complete her senior year as a foreign exchange student in France. The three of them always got into all kinds of trouble.”

“Lunch will be over soon,” Theo interjected. “Fanny, Susan, you should get going now if you want to get there on time. It’s really easy to get lost. What lessons do you have next?”

Susan pulled out her schedule. “Science with Mr. John Adams and then English with…” She swallowed the bile that came up in her throat. “With Alexander Hamilton.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Lafayettes are the Fred and George of Albany High School and deserve to be protected.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Maria is a good mum.

Everyone fell silent. Susan put her schedule away and slowly dropped her head onto the table. Theo awkwardly reached over and patted her on the shoulder in sympathy.

“My dad isn’t that bad…” Philip said sheepishly.

“Your dad wrote a ninety-seven-page blog calling my mother a whore.” 

Philip slightly shrunk away. “Yeah, I’ll just...stay quiet.”

Susan glanced at the clock. Thirteen minutes. She had thirteen minutes until the next lesson. “Theo, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Where’s the school library?”

Theo looked slightly confused. “Second floor, down the hall, very last door. Why?”

“I need to go talk to my mum,” Susan said honestly. “I’ll be back in time for science.”

She threw her bag over her shoulder and ran off, following the directions Theo gave her. By the time she reached the library door, she was completely out of breath. Panting heavily, she opened the door and the smell of new books hit her nose. 

It was oddly comforting, as was the rest of the library. The see-through blinds on the windows were drawn, giving the library a warm yellow tone. The shelves and tables were made of dark wood, complementing the room perfectly. There was a dark red rug on the floor and a few red bean bags in one of the corners. 

Susan’s mother emerged from behind a shelf. Her face split into a soft smile at the sight of her daughter. A special smile. One that was only ever seen by Susan.

Most of the time, Maria Reynolds was emotionless. Empty eyes, steady voice, lips pressed into a line. Sometimes, her brows would tilt downward with concern, or rise with fear. Susan always wondered how she did it. She would stand in front of the mirror for hours, trying to imitate her mother’s empty expressions, but never succeeding. She was simply too expressive.

Things were different when Susan was around. Maria would smile and laugh. Her ever-rigid posture would relax. Her eyes would sparkle with glee. She would open her arms and hug Susan tight, tucking the young girl’s hair behind her ears. Susan loved these moments. Moments when she could ignore everything both of them have been through.

Those moments used to be so rare. Only when her father was away, off drunk in some pub, and her mother was absolutely sure he wouldn’t be back that night. Maria would dig through the fridge for snacks, and no matter how low they were on food, there was always something. Maybe a plate of mini-sandwiches consisting of only cheese and a thin strip of ham, or some leftovers from lunch earlier that day, maybe even a tub of ice cream if they were lucky.

They would have a movie night, cuddling together under a worn blanket on the couch. Most times, they would turn on the TV and watch whatever came on, be it a romantic comedy or a Disney film. But some days were special. Birthdays, holidays, or just a day when they both needed cheering up. They both knew which days counted as special, and didn’t need words to explain it. Maria would grin, one of those special, warm grins, and Susan would know.

While Maria went off to gather snacks, Susan would go into her room. After struggling to lift her mattress, she would pull out an old DVD case hidden beneath it. A DVD of their favourite movie since the time Susan was twelve: Heathers, 1988.

“You really shouldn’t be watching this.” Maria would say every time they watched it.

“It’s nothing I’ve never seen before.” Susan would answer.

It seemed counterproductive, watching a movie so centered on a toxic relationship considering the actions of Susan’s father, but it became a comfort for them. A constant in their life. They first started watching it right after the family moved to Albany. Susan found it in a second-hand store and bought it after remembering her mother talking about it once.

_ “When I was a few years older than you, I used to go to my friend’s house on the weekends. After getting all our energy out, we would settle for a movie. Our favourite was pretty old, by our standards at least. It came out the year before I was born. It was about three girls, all named Heather…” _

Maria zoned out at that point, reminiscing on her teenage years, a time which was cut rather short, for Susan came early into her life.

“Three girls, all named Heather...” Susan whispered to herself as she eyed the DVD case in the store. Moving to Albany was hard on her mother, as she left her hometown behind. Maybe a movie would cheer her up.

And so, movie nights became a tradition. It became a more common occurrence once her father decided to abandon them after the affair came out. Susan favoured Heather Duke out of all the characters, while her mother would set off on long tangents, analyzing the psyche of Veronica. Susan would joke about how she should’ve become a physiologist instead of a librarian, and Maria would just shake her head and sigh.

“Susan, darling, did you need something?” Susan was brought out of her reminiscing by the sound of her mother’s voice. 

“Uh, yes, actually. I need some advice.” She glanced at the clock. Nine minutes.

Maria chuckled. “You didn’t get in trouble on your first day, did you?”

“What? No!” Susan pretended to be offended before a more serious expression crossed her face. “It’s about a lesson I’m having last period.”

“Which is…?” Maria prompted.

“English. With Mr. Hamilton.”

Maria dropped the book she was holding, the loud thud making both Reynolds girls flinch. Susan picked up the book and placed it once the librarian’s table, turning back to her mother.

“Mum? I’m...I’m scared. What if he says something about it? What if he treats me badly because of what happened last summer? What if-“

Her endless rant of questions was cut off by her mother pulling her into a hug. Maria stroked her daughter’s hair, whispering reassurances. Susan realized she was hyperventilating and focused on calming her breathing. 

“Susan, look at me.” Marka waited until Susan did so. “I wish I could tell you that none of what you said will happen, but you and I both know that Alexander Hamilton can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life. And if he does say something, screw him! You’re Susan Reynolds, and I’ll be damned before I let my mistakes define your life.”

A shit-eating grin split across Susan’s face. “Screw him? You mean like you did last summer?”

Maria turned bright red, sputtering at the implication. “Off you go now, young lady, you don’t want to be late for your next lesson and get detention from your teacher. Or would you rather stay here, while I’m still mulling over whether or not to ground you after that comment.”

Susan was already halfway out of the door. “Bye, mum, love you too!”

As she walked away, she could have sworn she heard her mother say something along the lines of “I should have never let her watch the Heathers movie.” That elicited a giggle out of her, and the prospect of the upcoming English class suddenly didn’t seem so bad,

After all, what does Alexander Hamilton know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Can you guess what my favourite movie is after this chapter? 
> 
> Anyway, I did want to go straight to the English lesson, but I felt like the close bond between Maria and Susan needed to be established. I won’t go off track again, pinky promise.
> 
> The reason I chose Heathers as Maria and Susan’s comfort movie, is because Heathers is what brought my best friend and me together. (Though, admittedly, it was the musical, not the movie.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan scares two Hamiltons in one day.

Even though John Adams was the most boring teacher Susan ever had, science ended quicker than she would have liked. Despite her mother’s words, the upcoming English lesson still terrified her. Fanny tried to crack a few jokes to lift her spirits, but it didn’t work and only made Susan more anxious.

Even the thought of Alexander Hamilton made her want to throw up. She was about to spend an hour and a half in a room with the man who ruined her mother’s reputation. Part of her wanted to hide out in the bathroom until the end of the day, the other part wanted to punch Alexander Hamilton in the face.

“We can sit at the back if you want.” Fanny told her.

Susan nodded. “Thank you.”

Fanny reached for the door handle of the English classroom, throwing Susan a reassuring glance. The Reynolds girl took a deep breath and nodded again. 

The two stepped inside the classroom. A few students were already seated, but Susan’s eyes went straight to the man who sat at the teacher’s table. Alexander Hamilton was wearing glasses and going over his lesson notes. He looked up and smiled at Fanny, before shifting his attention to Susan.

Hamilton’s eyes widened and his face turned white as a sheet. Susan mentally cursed herself for looking just like her mother. The man checked the class register out of the corner of his eye, confirming his suspicions about Susan’s identity.

Finally, Hamilton shook his head and vaguely gestured to the class, mumbling a low ‘take a seat.’ Fanny grabbed Susan by the hand and dragged her over to the back row.

“You okay?” She asked.

“I’m fine.” Susan snapped before her face softened. “Sorry. I’m just...nervous. I never expected to actually meet him.”

“Look, Susan, you might not believe me, but he’s a good person. He raised me for ten years, I would know. I mean, I get it. It’s hard facing someone who ruined your family’s name, but-“

“My father is the one who ruined my family’s name. The only thing Hamilton ruined is his own image.” Susan cut in.

Before Fanny had time to ask, Mr. Hamilton lifted himself from his chair and started the lesson. He stood in front of his desk, slightly leaning back on it, and called for everyone’s attention.

“Alright, everyone, settle down. I know it’s the last lesson of the day and you all want to go home now that you’ve realized high school is nothing like the movies.” He paused to let the students laugh, though he only received a few chuckles from the first row. “I’m your English teacher, Alexander Hamilton, and there’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you-“

“Da-ad, we get it! Move on!” A boy from the front row interjected, dragging out his words.

Mr. Hamilton pushed himself off the desk and loomed over the boy. “And who do you think you are, young man?”

“Alexander Hamilton.” The boy said, standing up. “My name is Alexander Hamilton. And there’s a million things I haven’t done, but just you wait.” Susan couldn’t see his face but could tell he was grinning. “Just you wait.”

After a moment of stunned silence, Mr. Hamilton laughed and ruffled the boy’s hair. “That’s my boy!” He turned to the rest of the class. “Now, I like to know the names of my students, so let’s go over the register, shall we?”

Well, there goes the idea of keeping a low profile.

Pulling out the register, Mr. Hamilton cleared his throat and smiled. “Frances Antill.”

“Here!” Fanny responded, smiling in return. 

Susan begged every deity she knew for something to intervene and stop the teacher from reaching her name. The last thing she needed was everyone in her class knowing who she is. Rumours spiral quickly in public school. It would only take one lunch break for the news to reach every single student. 

Is there anything that could stop Mr. Hamilton from reading the register? Maybe a plague of mice, or lightning striking the school. Oh, or maybe a nuclear bomb!

She pushed the thoughts out of her head and focused back on the teacher. He was calling out surnames starting with ‘P’, and assuming he was going in alphabetical order, there was a high chance she was next.

Mr. Hamilton stumbled over his words, giving Susan a few seconds to brace herself. It seemed funny to her. Hamilton was nervous saying her surname, as if the Reynolds Pamphlet blog wasn’t his doing.

“Susan Reynolds.”

Might as well get it over with. “Here.” She said, raising her hand.

The reaction was just as she was expecting. Heads turned and she could hear badly-concealed whispers. She caught the eye of Alexander Hamilton Jr, who glared at her. Susan glared back, a feeling of satisfaction filling her when he shrunk away in mild fear at the unexpected retaliation. Mr. Hamilton noticed the staring contest and placed a hand on his son’s shoulder, shaking his head as if to say ‘it’s not worth it,’ which infuriated Susan.

If Hamilton Jr wanted to fight, let him. Susan was ready. Before moving to Albany, she was in self defense classes for a few years. She knew how to stand her ground and was ready to defend her mother’s honour. 

“Okay, okay, quiet down!” Mr. Hamilton waited for the whispers to stop. “We still have a few names to go over, and then we’ll start with the lesson.”

Susan tuned the rest of the register out. The rest of the lesson was going to be unbearable. She caught glances and heard quiet talking between the other students, Susan herself being the subject of conversation.

The register finally ended and Mr. Hamilton took out his notes, starting to deliver some cliche introduction to high school literature. Susan could only hope the curriculum books were interesting enough to be a distraction from the class.

After the lesson, Susan and Fanny hung around until everyone else cleared out, not wanting to have any confrontations. Mr. Hamilton did a very good job of ignoring Susan’s presence.

“You’re going to the library after this, right?” Fanny asked.

Susan nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“Can I come with you? I want to check out a book or two.”

“Sure.” Susan picked up her backpack. “Let’s go.”

Once they were out of the classroom, Susan let out an exasperated groan. “I can’t believe he gave us an essay on the first day.”

“That’s Mr. Hamilton for ya. Always writes like he’s running out of time and forces us to do the same.” Fanny shrugged.

By the time they reached the library, the hallways were completely empty. Susan expected the other kids whose parents were teachers to stay behind after class, but she guessed they had more stable homes to return to.

“Hey, mum!” Susan greeted her mother as the two entered the room. Maria lifted her eyes from a book and smiled at Susan,

“Hi, Susan. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Fanny, she’s in my class. Fanny, this is my mum.” Susan introduced.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Reynolds. I’m just here to check out a book.” Fanny smiled shyly.

As Fanny disappeared behind the row of bookshelves, Maria focused back on Susan. “How was your English lesson?”

“Mr. Hamilton decided to read the register aloud so now everyone knows who I am.” Susan complained. “One of his kids is in my class, Alexander Jr, and he’s just as much of a jerk. Oh, and he gave us an essay for homework on the first day!”

“That sounds like him…” Maria trailed off, staring into the distance.

“Mrs. Reynolds?” Fanny called out, a book held close to her chest.

Maria snapped out of her stupor and walked over to the table, writing down the book number. After she was done, she handed the book back to the blonde girl. “It’s due in three weeks.”

Fanny put the book in her backpack. “Susan? Do you mind if I head out? My sister wants me to be home for lunch.” 

“Of course, no problem.” Susan smiled.

“Oh, that reminds me.” Maria intervened, fishing a ten dollar bill out of her purse. “I didn’t have time to make lunch this morning. Could run over to the bakery across the road and get us something?”

“The Lafayette family owns that bakery!” Fanny exclaimed happily. “Maybe you’ll get to meet Georges and Marie!”

Susan pocketed the money and smiled. “I’ll be back soon.”

As the two walked out of the school doors, Fanny rambled on about how amazing everything made by the Lafayette bakery was, while Susan couldn’t help but notice a few students waiting for the school bus sending glares her way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan makes a promise.

“There! Now you have my number. Call me later tonight, okay?” Fanny said, handing Susan’s phone back to her.

“Okay.” Susan nodded. Fanny gave her a hug and run off down the sidewalk to her own house.

Susan turned back towards the building she was standing in front of. The name _Lafayette_ was written in big cursive letters above the first floor. A French flag was hung proudly in one of the windows above a display of pastries.

A bell rang through the bakery once Susan entered. The smell of freshly baked cakes filled her nose. She looked around in awe at the elegantly decorated place. It felt like a piece of Paris appeared right in the middle of Albany.

A girl sat near the back of the room, leaning back in her chair with her feet propped up on a counter. A woman wearing an apron entered from the kitchen and swatted at the girl‘s leg.

“Marie-Antoinette! Enlevez vos pieds du comptoir! Les gens mangent ici!” Susan wasn’t fluent in French at all, but she had a feeling the woman was telling the girl, Marie-Antoinette, to get her feet off the counter.

The girl complied. She hopped off her chair and put her phone away, finally noticing Susan. A bright smile spread across her face.

“Bonjour! My name is Marie-Antoinette, call me Marie, how may I help you?” The girl said. Susan couldn’t help but notice her French accent.

“Oh, um, my mum sent me over. She asked me to get something for lunch.” Susan explained, slightly taken aback by Marie’s positive attitude. “She works in the school across the road.”

“So does my dad! He teaches French.” Marie said excitedly. “What about your mum?”

Susan smiled. “She’s the librarian.”

Marie looked at her in surprise. “You’re Susan Reynolds. Theodosia’s friend. She talks a lot about you, you know?”

“So I’ve heard,” Susan responded absentmindedly before realization dawned on her. “Oh, you’re _that_ Marie! Theo said that you and your brother were in detention today for jumping out of the broom cupboard window.”

“Glad to know my reputation precedes me.” Marie laughed. “Anyway, is there anything specific you want?”

Susan fished the money out of her pocket. “Anything that ten dollars will buy me.”

Knitting her eyebrows in thought, Marie placed the money in the cash register. “Four muffins. What’s your favourite flavour?”

“Uh...Chocolate.”

Marie nodded. “Thought so. You look like the type to like chocolate.”

“You can tell what flavour people like just by looking at them?”

“Yep! Growing up above a bakery has its perks.” Marie handed a paper bag with the muffins to Susan.

The Reynolds girl chuckled. “Sounds like a neat superpower.”

“Marie! Get back here! The baguettes are burning!” A male voice called from the kitchen.

“Give me a minute, Georges!” She leaned back on the counter. “Both Fanny and Frances like strawberry, Theodosia always gets vanilla, Philip is obsessed with whipped cream and sprinkles-“

“Marie! The baguettes!”

“I should get going,” Susan said. “It seems like you have work to do.”

“My brother is just too lazy to take the baguettes out himself.” Marie rolled her eyes. “It was nice meeting you, Susan.”

“You too. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” Susan waved over her shoulder as she left the bakery.

The whiplash from the change of scenery hit Susan like a bus. She suddenly remembered that outside the pristine French bakery was a dusty American city. A rumbling in her stomach reminded her of how long it’s been since lunch break, making her hurry back across the road.

“You’ve been gone for a while.” Maria said once Susan returned to the library.

“I was talking with Marie.” Seeing her mother’s confused expression, Susan elaborated. “Marie-Antoinette de Lafayette. She works in the bakery.”

“Oh, the Lafayette girl. I know her. She and her siblings nearly burned down the library last year.”

Susan stopped in the middle of reaching for a muffin. “What?”

“They were setting off fireworks behind the school and one flew in through the window. A bookshelf or two caught on fire.” Maria explained. “Monsieur Lafayette marched all three of them in here and forced them to apologize and pay for the damages out of their own pocket money.” 

“That’s the weirdest sentence I’ve ever heard.” Susan laughed.

“Not the weirdest I’ve ever said.” Maria shrugged. “Their older sister, Anastasie, was the calmer of the three. She controlled their destructive impulses. If I was you, I’d be afraid of what they’re gonna do now that she’s not here to control them. The Lafayettes are made of pure chaos.”

“Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.” Susan said with a cheeky smile, biting into a muffin.

Maria rolled her eyes. “You finish that muffin and start on the homework, young lady. You have an essay to write.”

Susan glanced at the clock. Her mother worked until five, so she was stuck in the library for another two hours. Any other person would have complained, but the two Reynolds women easily slipped into a comfortable silence.

A few dozen minutes later, Maria’s voice cut through the quiet atmosphere of the library. “Congratulations on surviving your first day of high school.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Susan said sarcastically.

“I’m serious. You have teachers who like you, you made a friend, you didn’t get into bad company. That’s better than I did at your age.”

Susan turned around in her chair. “What do you mean?”

Maria sighed. “I never had any friends when I was in high school. The teachers didn’t like me because I barely ever did my homework. I worked two jobs back then and took care of my younger siblings. I was fourteen when I met your father. Fifteen when we started dating. You were born the summer before my senior year. My teenage years were short and miserable, and I couldn’t be happier that you’re not repeating my experience.”

“Mum…” Susan was about to stand up but stopped short when Maria shook her head.

“No, sweetie, you go back to your essay. I’m alright.” Maria smiled as if tears weren’t pooling in her eyes. “Just promise me something, please.”

“Anything.”

Maria’s face turned serious. “Always trust your gut. When I was with your fa- with James, nothing ever felt right. I thought I loved him, but something inside me was always telling me to run. You’re the only person who knows what’s good for you and don’t you ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t end up like I did. Promise me, Susan. Please.”

“I promise, mum,” Susan said, wiping away a tear rolling down her cheek. “I promise.”

“You know, we still have that tub of ice cream leftover from last week.” The corner of Maria’s lips tilted upwards.

Susan’s face lit up. “Heathers movie night?”

Maria nodded. “I think we both need it tonight.” 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry that this chapter turned so sappy at the end. It came to me out of nowhere and it felt right to keep it in. I’m a sucker for good mother-daughter relationships and Susan and Maria are really fun to write for.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan’s friends start to get concerned

Susan sprang awake, nearly falling off the couch in the process. Her mother flinched at the sudden movement, stirring from her slumber. Ger eyes squinted from the bright sunlight streaming through the window but flew open in a panic as she checked the time, 

“7:45.” Maria said in a hurry. “You have to be at school in 20 minutes.”

Kicking away the blanket, Susan stood up and proceeded to trip over the empty tub of ice cream that was left over from last night. Biting back a string of curses, she moved the tub out of her way with her foot and ran off to her room, a hundred times grateful that she changed into her pajamas last night.

She couldn’t be late on her second day. That practically equals to being labeled as ‘the late girl’ for the rest of her high school life. As if her reputation wasn’t bad enough already.

“What do you want for breakfast, sweetie?” Her mother’s voice came from somewhere else in the house. 

Susan buttoned the rest of her white shirt and tied a dark pink sweater around her waist. “Do we still have that yogurt you got last week?”

“Banana or strawberry?”

“Strawberry!” She threw on a pair of shoes, stopping in front of her mirror to look herself over. and raced to the kitchen. After a quick debate over what to do with her hair she decided to leave it loose, dark brown curls cascading down her back. Satisfied, she raced to the kitchen.

Her mother was fully dressed, a fresh coat of light makeup on her face. Susan always wondered how her mother managed to look so perfect in the mornings, though she guessed it was due to years of practice.

“Please tell me you did all of your homework.” Maria said, placing a yogurt carton in front of Susan, who eagerly opened it.

“Of course I did.” The girl nodded, barely having time to speak between spoonfuls of yogurt. The carton was emptied in a matter of minutes and Maria was already waiting by the door, nervously wringing her hands.

In her haste, Susan threw the empty carton in the sink and the spoon in the trash can, not noticing her mistake until the two Reynolds women were in the car on the way to school. Well, too late to go back and fix it now.

As Maria pulled up to the school, the time read 8:00. There were five minutes left until the register bell. Susan silently cursed the size of the school, knowing she would have to run in order to make it to her form class in time for the register.

The car stopped only long enough for Susan to jump out and, slinging her bag over her shoulder and running off towards the building. 

The hallways were empty, which felt odd for a public school. Though Susan guessed it made sense considering that the other students were already in their form classes. She flew into her form class mere seconds before the register bell rang. Breathing heavily, she gave an apologetic smile to her form tutor.

“Right on time.” Miss Peggy said, raising her eyebrow in question.

“I’m sorry, Miss.” Susan mumbled. “I overslept.”

Miss Peggy marked her name down on the register. “Try not to come so close to the tardy mark next time. Take a seat.”

Susan plopped down next to Fanny, ducking her head to avoid the stare of Alexander Hamilton Junior. The blonde girl tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention.

“I texted you last night.”

The brunette checked her phone. Sure enough, there were a few unread messages from Fanny from last night. Her eyes widened slightly.

“I’m sorry.”

Fanny tilted her head in confusion. “For what?”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t text you back.” Susan explained slowly, the statement sounding more like a question.

“Susan, it’s fine. It’s an unread message, not the end of the world.” Fanny chuckled nervously, concern evident in her voice.

The Reynolds girl felt the need to explain herself. “My dad used to get really mad if I din't text him back immediately. He was very...overprotective.”

Fanny looked a little skeptic, but shrugged and gave Susan a small smile. “Fair enough.”

Pulling out and checking her schedule, Susan groaned and fought the urge to drop her head back onto the desk. “Science, first thing in the morning!”

“This is gonna be a loooong day.” Fanny sighed.

Four periods of Maths and Science later, Susan and Fanny sat down in the cafeteria opposite Frances, Philip and Theodosia. After a few minutes of small talk, a girl with brown hair that Susan didn’t know bounded over and rested her chin in Philip’s head, smiling brightly.

“Hey, Pip, you won’t believe what happened in French today! Marie’s dad pulled out a giant baguette and gave everyone a piece. He tried to convince us that it was ‘natural French bread’ but we all know it came from the bakery across the road.” The girl rattled off before noticing Susan’s presence. “Who are you?”

Philip tugged at one of the girl’s brown strands that fell across his face. “Don’t be rude!”

“You’re one to talk.” Theodosia mumbled, elbowing her boyfriend in the side.

The Hamilton boy rolled his eyes. “This is Susan, Theo’s friend. Susan, this is my sister, Angelica.”

The now-named girl made a face at her brother’s words. “Call me Angie. Angelica is our aunt.”

“Nice to meet you.” Susan nodded.

“Heeeeyyyy.” No one at the table even noticed the arrival of Marie de Lafayette. The French girl slid into the chair next to Frances and dropped her head on the taller girl’s shoulder.

“I’m still mad you got detention yesterday.” Frances reached over and twirled one of Marie’s curly black strands.

Marie laughed. “I missed you too,  _ ma chérie. _ ”

“Oh, um, can I ask something?” Susan interjected. “Are you two…”

“Dating? Yep!” Marie smiled. “Seven months next week.”

Frances raised an eyebrow. “That’s not a problem, is it?” 

“No, of course not.” Susan assured them. “You make a cute couple.”

“Hey, Susan,” Fanny poked her shoulder. “How come you’re not eating?”

Susan shrugged. “My mum and I overslept this morning. She didn’t have time to make anything.” 

“You can have some of mine if you want.” The blonde girl offered.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll get something once I’m back home.” 

“Your mum works in the school.” Philip started slowly. “You won’t get home until five. That’s six hours.”

“Everything’s fine, really. I’m used to it.” Susan snapped her mouth shut the second the words came out.

“Used to it…?” Marie’s eyebrows creased in question.

“ _ THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!”  _ The conversation got interrupted by a screech from the lunch line. The group looked over, startled, to see what the commotion was all about.

“Jefferson, you were the one who decided to make the lunch menu healthier.” The lunch lady spoke calmly, rolling her eyes.

“ _ I DIDN’T KNOW THAT GOING HEALTHER MEANT GETTING RID OF THE ONLY GOOD THING ON THE DARN MENU.” _

“Oh lord.” Theo dropped her head into her hands. “Not him again.”

“Who is that?” Susan asked, happy that the attention was taken off of her.

“Vice principal Thomas Jefferson. He always starts one drama or another every single week.” Angie explained. “The lunch lady is Martha Washington, the principal’s wife. She’s also the school nurse.”

“For the last time, Jefferson, we are not putting Mac n’ Cheese back onto the menu!”

“ _ BUT IT HAS PLENTY OF NUTRIENTS! IT HAS CARBS AND PROTEIN!” _

“We’re trying to cut down on carbs. Go back to your office, Jefferson, don’t make me call my husband.”

The vice principal groaned and pouted, speed walking away. His purple coat flared behind him dramatically, making most students in the cafeteria laugh.

Susan shook her head with laughter. Public school was even more ridiculous that she imagined. And, with all the people she met these past two days, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: To clear up any confusion, Fanny is Frances Antill and Frances is Frances Laurens. I know it’s confusing because they have the same name but I haven’t found a better way to differentiate them.
> 
> Oh, by the way: Susan, Fanny and Alex Jr are freshmen; Marie, Angie and Theo are sophomores; Philip, Frances and Georges are juniors and Anastasie de Lafayette is a senior.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan gets invited to her first sleepover

Over the course of two weeks, Susan and her friends fell into a comfortable schedule. They always sat at the same table at lunch, Marie and Georges taking it upon themselves to make sure Susan ate. After school, Susan stayed in the library to finish off her homework while the Hamiltons picked up their younger siblings, the Lafayettes helped out in the bakery and Fanny Squared (a fancy term that Marie came up with) both went home.

Susan always had a habit of doing all her homework on Fridays so she could have a free weekend. By 4:30 pm the next Friday she was sitting in the library, staring idly at the clock and waiting for her mother to finish working. Her trance was interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by Marie-Antoinette entering the stuffy room.

“Hey, Susan, what’s up?”

“Nothing much. What are you doing here so late?” Susan asked.

“I live across the road and my dad doesn’t leave until five.” Marie rattled off, sitting down opposite Susan. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to come to my sleepover tomorrow?”

Susan sat up straight. Nobody has ever invited her to a sleepover before. “Who else would be there?”

Marie thought for a moment. “Fanny Squared, Angie and Theodosia. My brother would probably crash to steal food too.” 

“I’ll have to ask my mum.”

“Ask me what?” Her mother emerged from behind a bookshelf. A slight frown crossed her face when she spotted the French girl. “Marie-Antoinette. I hope you didn’t burn anything again.”

“Not this time, Madame Reynolds.” Marie laughed nervously. 

“Marie came over to invite me for a sleepover at her place with a few friends.” Susan intervened. “Can I go?”

“Will there be boys?” Maria questioned.

“Does Georges de Lafayette count?”

Maria sighed. “Fine. You can go. I’ll drop you off tomorrow.”

Susan smiled brightly. “Thanks mum! You’re the best!”

Rolling her eyes, Maria gave her daughter a small smile. “I know.”

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Susan turned back to Marie.

“Yep! 6 pm.”

Just as Marie turned to leave, Susan caught her by the arm. “Oh, by the way, do you want me to bring anything? Like snacks or…”

“I live above a bakery, remember? Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that, she was gone. Susan settled back into her chair, looking forward to tomorrow night.

Saturday evening rolled around. Maria pulled the car to a stop in front of the Lafayette bakery. Susan hopped out, a duffel bag slung over her shoulder. Maria joined her on the sidewalk, placing a hand on her back.

“Ready for your first sleepover?” She asked.

“I’m a little nervous,” Susan confessed. “What if I mess up?”

“Susan, it’s a sleepover. It’s supposed to be fun.” Maria chuckled. “Think of it as our movie nights, just with more people and less Heathers. Alright?”

“Alright.”

A bell rang through the bakery once the Reynolds women entered. Marie-Antoinette bounded over almost immediately and pulled Susan into a hug.

“I’m so happy you came! Everyone else is already here- don’t worry, you’re not late! Fanny lives a block away, Theo always comes early, Frances came over in the morning and Angie showed up a few minutes ago. Come on, let’s go upstairs! I have the whole night planned out! We’ll watch movies, eat snacks, do each other’s hair- oh I’ve been dying to braid your hair! We’ll have a pillow fight, tell horror stories, share secrets- it’s your first sleepover, right? You’re going to love it!”

“Marie, let the poor girl breathe.” Adrienne de Lafayette, Marie’s mother, emerged from the kitchen. “Bonsoir, Madame Reynolds. How are you?”

“I’m great, thank you. And thanks for having my Susan over tonight. She’s been talking about this all day.” Maria chuckled.

“Mum!” Susan mumbled indignantly.

Adrienne laughed. “Girls are so precious, aren’t they?”

“Mama? Can we go now?” Marie practically bounced with excitement.

“Susan, come over here for a second,” Maria said, slightly crouching to be on level with her daughter. She lowered her voice to a whisper. “If anything happens, and I mean anything that makes you feel unsafe, call me right away. Remember what I told you, always trust your gut. Never stay quiet if something makes you uncomfortable, okay?”

“Okay.” Susan whispered back. Any other teenager would have rolled their eyes and groaned in exasperation. Susan was different. She understood that her mum didn’t follow that advice and this is how she ended up. A single mother living in a dingy apartment on a teacher’s salary. She had every right to be worried.

“Off you go now! Have fun, don’t break anything. I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” Maria’s demeanor shifted back to happy just as quickly as before. She gave her daughter a quick hug and lightly nudged her towards Marie.

“Maria, you have to come over for a cup of coffee sometime. It’s been way too long since we last caught up.” The two young girls raced upstairs, the voices of their mothers drowning out behind them.

“Guys! Susan’s here!” Marie called out. Fanny was the first to run over and hug Susan, followed by Theodosia. Frances and Angie, who didn’t know the girl that well, preferred to stay in the doorway of the bedroom.

The Reynolds girl looked around in awe. The apartment above the bakery was comfortable, draped in warm yellow and beige tones. Georges de Lafayette sat on a couch, a French flag pillow under his arm. Countless family photos hung on the walls, filling up the space. The flat looked very well lived in, clutter piled on shelves and tables. A real contrast to Susan’s home, with its bare walls and peeling furniture.

“Susaaaan!” Marie waved a hand in front of her face. “What’s up with you? Have you never seen an apartment before?”

“What- no, of course I have. It’s just...very different from my place.”

“Too plain for your taste, huh? Bet you have pink walls and one of those light-up mirrors.” Georges laughed.

Theodosia saw the look on Susan’s face, making her frown. That was the face Susan made every time she arrived in a new environment. Her tightly clenched jaw would relax and her eyes looked moments away from glossing over. She was in a weird trancelike state, which often made her forget to mind her words. From the research Theo did on Susan’s anxiety issues, she believed the term was ‘dissociation’.

“Quite the opposite, actually.” Susan was still distracted by the warm family atmosphere, clearly not realizing what she was saying. “We don’t have that much stuff back home. We’ve been trying to save up for a new sofa but the rent went up and we can’t afford it.”

Theo realized that if she didn’t stop Susan right now then the younger girl would say something she would regret. “So, should we watch a movie until the bakery closes?”

“Mama closes up at eight, so we have two hours. Susan, since this is your first sleepover, you get to pick the movie!” The French girl pulled up Netflix on the TV and handed Susan the remote.

Susan was too engrossed in trying to pick a film that she didn’t notice the concerned glances behind her. Ever since the day Susan accidentally revealed to her friends that she was used to not eating, they created a group chat so they could discuss her in private. It felt wrong to talk about her behind her back. Sure, this was for her own good, but it still left them with a bad taste in their mouths. They each pulled out their phones after making sure Susan wasn’t watching.

**_Georges:_ ** _ Okay, it was funny at first, but now I’m actually worried. _

**_Frances:_ ** _ Theo, you’re her best friend. You must know something. _

**_Theodosia:_ ** _ It’s really not my place to say anything, she prefers to only share with the people closest to her. All I can tell you is that her home life isn’t that great. _

**_Fanny:_ ** _ Should we do something? _

**_Angie:_ ** _ Not yet. We can’t push her to tell us. _

**_Marie-Antoinette:_ ** _ I say we wait. We have to earn her trust. She’ll tell us when she’s ready. _

**_Philip:_ ** _ Marie’s right, you know _

**_Philip:_ ** _ Also, I’m still mad you left me out. _

**_Marie-Antoinette:_ ** _ Mama wouldn’t let me have a boy over, sorry. _

**_Theodosia:_ ** _ The thing is, she does trust you guys. She only dissociates when she feels safe and you saw how distracted she was just now.  _

**_Philip:_ ** _ I think you should wait for her to tell you everything, but maybe you could nudge her in the right direction. Like, while telling secrets or playing Truth or Dare or whatever you girls do at sleepovers. _

**_Frances:_ ** _ Sounds like a plan to me. _

Just as Susan finally chose a movie, her friends put their phones away and shared a determined nod behind her back. They were going to get to the bottom of this, sooner or later.

Little did they know, the truth would come out much sooner than they would expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m greatly sorry for the hold up. I tried to stock up on chapters because this next batch should be posted together. I’ll post chapter 9 tomorrow and chapter 10 within the next two days after that.  
> Also, Susan’s anxiety is based entirely off of my own, so don’t come at me for ‘inaccurate portrayals.’ Everyone’s anxiety is different, and this is just the way mine works.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan’s friends get to the bottom of it.

“I cannot believe you made me do that!” Georges’ screech was barely heard over the intense laughing of the surrounding girls. He desperately tried to shake the flour, which he was forced to dump on himself as a dare, out of his hair. He eventually gave up and sat back down, groaning. “I’m never playing truth or dare with you again.”

The group was seated at a table in the middle of the bakery. Adrienne de Lafayette closed the shop twenty minutes ago and the group of teenagers took it as an invitation to relocate downstairs for more space. 

Fanny patted him on the shoulder in sympathy, though the gesture turned more mocking as she couldn’t stop laughing. “Get over it, Georges! It’s your turn anyway.”

“Fine.” Georges huffed. “Susan, truth or dare?”

After witnessing the crazy things her friends were forced to do as dares, Susan decided to play it safe. “Truth.”

Georges thought for a moment. “Okay… what is your greatest fear?”

The colour visibly drained from Susan’s face. That was definitely the worst question she could have been asked. She bit the inside of her cheek, pretending to think the question over when in reality the answer was clear to her. She knew what her greatest fear was since she was a little girl.

James Reynolds.

“Heh, that’s a tough one.” Susan stalled. She made eye contact with Theo across the table, bringing her right hand to her chest and then up to her forehead, palm open, pinky finger facing outwards.. 

_ My dad. _

She knew Theo took a sign language class last year and hoped she would remember. 

Theo’s eyes widened in realization. She pointed a finger to Susan and repeated the second sign. 

_ Your dad? _

Susan nodded, thanking every deity she knew that the rest of their friends didn’t notice the exchange. 

_ Please,  _ she signed, _ distract them. _

“So, who’s hungry?” Theo interjected, laughing nervously. “I’m starving! How about we get some snacks and move back upstairs?”

Susan facepalmed. Theo was never the subtlest of people but her poor attempts at distraction were absolutely ridiculous.

The group jumped from the sound of the bell ringing through the bakery. The glass door opened and the school P.E. Teacher trudged in, carrying a very drunk Monsier Lafayette over his shoulders.

“Bonsoir, Monsieur Mulligan.” Marie started unsurely. “Is Papa okay?”

“He’s fine.” Hercules Mulligan grumbled. “Go get your mother, sweetheart.”

A minute later, Adrienne came rushing in from the kitchen, rolling her eyes at the sight of her husband. She brushed a stray hair from his face, cooing softly in French.

“What did you do to him?”

“Calm down, Adrienne, it wasn’t my fault. Alex mentioned Laurens and the rest was history. You know how he gets.” Mulligan forced his way to the stairs. “Help me out, will you? He’s your husband.”

“ _ Raise a glass to freedom, something you can never take away, no matter what they tell you… _ ” Lafayette slurred from Mulligan’s side as he was practically carried up to his bedroom.

“Oh, I’d take away your freedom if I could,” Adrienne grumbled under her breath as she followed Mulligan upstairs.

“Please excuse our Papa, it was his birthday last week and he always goes out with friends the weekend after. You heard what Monsieur Mulligan said, Monsieur Hamilton brought up… their late friend and that always hits hard for him.” Georges explained apologetically, throwing a cautious glance in Frances’ direction.

“You can stop dancing around the issue.” Frances leaned across the table. “Mr. Lafayette got shit-faced drunk because Mr. Hamilton brought up the death of my father.”

“Frances-” Marie started but was quickly cut off.

“It’s the truth, Marie. My father died eleven years ago and this is why your father is in that state. It happens every year on this exact day. Don’t try to deny it.”

“I wasn’t going to. I wanted to say that you don’t have to talk about it. I know it still hurts you.” 

The blonde relaxed at the soft comforting words of her girlfriend. Tension seeped out of her body as her shoulders slumped. She beckoned Marie closer with a finger.

The French girl walked over and nestled in her girlfriend’s lap. “ _ Je t'aime, ma chérie. _ ”

“I love you too.” Frances leaned down and kissed Marie on the lips. Marie kissed back, pushing up closer to the blonde. Frances’ freckled face tinted with a blush as the kiss deepened, her hand running through the black curls.

“Okay, lovebirds, break it up!” Angie laughed. “There are children present!”

“I’m only a year younger than you!” Fanny protested.

The young couple finally broke apart, though Marie showed no sign of wanting to move from the taller girl’s lap.

“Hey, Susan, are you alright?” Fanny asked, noticing the uncomfortable look the Reynolds girl had on her face.

Frances blushed again, this time for embarrassment. “Sorry, we got a bit carried away with the kiss.”

“No, no, it’s not about that.” Susan squirmed in her seat. “It’s about Monsieur Lafayette. I don’t mean to intrude into your family life but I was just wondering something. Does that… does he come home like that often?”

“Like what?” Georges raised an eyebrow.

“Well,,, in that kind of state.” She answered vaguely. 

“What kind of-“ Marie seemed to realize the implication. “No! No, of course not! I told you, it was his birthday last week. He’s clean as glass usually, I swear.”

“Oh, yes, alright, of course he doesn’t.” Susan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

Marie shrugged. “Eh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Can I ask why you would think that, though?”

“Oh, well, um, it’s kind of a hard thing to-“ Susan took a deep breath. Better to come out with the truth now instead of having it forced out of her later. “My dad used to come home drunk. A lot. He would get all red in the face and yell and throw things. My mum used to hide me in the laundry hamper when I was little so that he wouldn’t take his anger out on me. Once I outgrew the hamper I’d hide in the closet, behind the storage boxes. He only found me once, the day the Reynolds pamphlet blog was published. That was the last time I ever saw him.”

“Susan, you don’t have to answer that truth, you know?” Theo crouched in front of Susan’s chair, her voice dropping to a whisper. “It’s just a game. You owe no explanation to anyone.”

“I know that, Theo, but they deserve to know.” Susan turned to face all her friends. “You guys are the first friends I’ve ever had and I think you need an explanation to all the weird things I’ve been doing. So, if you don’t mind... I’m gonna tell you everything. Why I’m used to not eating, why I flinch at loud noises, why I’m scared of drunk people…”

Georges decided to prompt Susan to continue, seeing as she trailed off. “Does this have anything to do with the question I asked you in truth or dare?”

Susan nodded. “You want to know my worst fear? I’ll tell you. It’s… it’s my father. I’m deathly afraid of my father.”

The atmosphere in the room changed immediately. Fanny pressed a hand to her mouth to mute the shocked squeak that came out of her. Frances sucked in a sharp breath and instinctively held Marie, whose jaw had dropped open, closer. Angie fiddled with her hair, not knowing how to react to the revelation, while Georges’ face contorted into an apologetic expression, showing his clear regret about asking the question in the first place. Meanwhile, Theo clutched Susan’s hand, rubbing small circles onto the back of it with her thumb, a sad look on her face.

“Can we move upstairs?” The Reynolds girl spoke up.

“If you’ll be more comfortable talking about this upstairs, then of course,” Fanny responded timidly.

A minute later, Susan was wrapped up in a blanket on Marie’s bed, leaning into Theodosia’s warm and kind embrace. All her friends were around her, keeping their distance as not to crowd her. Sympathetic looks were permanently etched onto their faces. Susan took a deep breath and began to tell her tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter’s gonna get intense, heh  
> My knowledge of sign language is very limited but I’m pretty sure what I wrote is correct. Please inform me of I’m wrong.  
> Also, James Reynolds deserves a punch in the face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan deserves the world and James Reynolds deserves a punch in the face.
> 
> *Major domestic violence warning in this one, folks. Proceed with caution.*

“My father- James Reynolds- was never a good person.” Susan sighed. “I was afraid of him for as long as I could remember. I guess you need to know a little backstory first. My mum started dating him when she was 15 and he was 16. I was born the summer before her senior year. My grandparents kicked her out so she was forced to move in with Dad in a dingy, one-bedroom apartment. We lived there up until two years ago.”

“Wait,” Frances cut in. “If your old apartment only had one bedroom, and I assume your parents took that one, where did you sleep?”

Susan faltered for just a second. “On the living room sofa, usually. He wouldn’t come home some nights so I got to share the bed with Mum.”

Frances nodded. “Sorry for interrupting. Continue.”

“Okay, so, I went to school back in my home state. I never had any friends because I was the weird girl in oversized clothing who wasn’t allowed to have anyone over. Two years ago we moved to Albany, across the road from Theo. I finally got my own bedroom, a little safe space where I could hide from him. That’s when my mum got a job at the school.

One day, I was at the local second-hand store and I found a DVD of my Mum’s favourite movie. Since then, whenever Dad was off drunk in some pub, we would have a movie night. But that’s not important. It’s time to stop beating around the bush.”

Theo, who knew the story well, held Susan closer. “I’m right here to fill anything in if you need me to.” She whispered.

Susan’s eyes trailed over all her friends. Fanny looked on the verge of tears already, nestled in Angie’s arms. Marie was already in Frances’ lap, somber looks on both their faces. Georges sat farthest away on the very edge of the bed, staring at the floor. Even though Susan’s story made him extremely angry at James Reynolds, he forced his fists to unclench and his shoulders to relax. He didn’t want to intimidate her.

Bracing herself, sucked in a breath and began retelling the events of the day her life changed. “It happened back in early June, the day the Reynolds Pamphlet blog was published...”

_ Through the thin walls of the apartment, Susan could hear her mother pacing. Even sitting on her own bed, she could hear frantic footsteps and sharp, rapid, panicked breaths coming from the living room. Her mother has been beside herself all day, though it was understandable. Her whole reputation was in shambles. _

_ “There’s no way Principal Washington will let me keep the job.” Maria cried that morning. “Alexander, he… he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone! It was a one-time thing!” _

_ Susan wasn’t allowed to read the blog, but she got the gist of it. Her mother had an affair with Alexander Hamilton, the local high school’s English teacher. The father of her best friend’s boyfriend. She was disgusted, but not because of her mother’s actions. She was disgusted that Alexander Hamilton dared to do that to her mother. Her mother was barely 31, Hamilton was well into his mid-forties. Not only that, but he’s also been married for twenty years and has seven children. To think that he would dare lay his hands on another woman was repulsing. _

_ She hugged her mother close, whispering reassurances that she didn’t hate her. They only had each other in the entire world, and she would rather die than let a stupid drunken mistake drive them apart. _

_ Now, she was sitting on her bed, filling out the third page of that day’s diary entry. She worked hard to push the anxiety out of her head. Thoughts of what will happen if- no, when- her father finds out flooded her mind. This wasn’t going to end well for either her or her mother. _

_ Her heart rapidly sank as she heard the front door slam. Her worst fear had come true. Tossing the red leather-bound diary onto her desk, she flew across the room and clambered into the closet, behind the storage boxes. She pressed into the back of the closet, hugging her knees and trying to quiet the sound of her breathing. _

_ Angry yelling came from the other side of the house, followed by the sound of a slap ringing through the hallway. One of the boxes nearly fell as Susan flinched. Pounding footsteps approached her door, making Susan press a hand to her mouth to muffle any sound. _

_ The door rattled against the wall as her father barged into the room, her mother following suit. Susan watched through the tiny crack in the closet, fighting the urge gasp in fear. _

_ “Where’s the girl?!” Her father yelled. _

_ “At- at Aaron Burr’s house, across the road. She’s fr- friends with his daughter.” Maria stuttered, bracing herself for another slap. _

_ “What, did you sleep with him too?” A second red handprint burned against Maria’s left cheek.  _

_ Maria choked back a sob. “I didn’t, I swear!” _

_ James leaned in close and stared right into her eyes. “You’re lying to me!” Maria was about to protest but was silenced by another slap. “I know you didn’t sleep with him. No sane man would even think of touching you. You’re lying about the girl. She’s here, isn’t she?” _

_ “N-no…”  _

_ “Oh, Maria,” A cold-hearted chuckle escaped his lips. “You were always so bad at lying.” _

_ Susan’s breath hitched in her throat as the closet door flew open. The boxes were shoved aside and her father’s rough hand pulled her out onto the floor by the arm. _

_ “I knew you were lying.” James grabbed a handful of Susan’s brown locks, lifting her up just enough so she could meet her mother's eyes. Maria’s heart shattered as she heard the pained whimpers coming from her daughter. “You two should have learned by now that you should never lie to me.” _

_ The young girl was tossed aside like a rag doll. She slowly backed away as the man who was supposed to be her father rounded on her. She held back tears, knowing crying would just make it worse. James Reynolds didn’t tolerate crying. _

_ The task became more difficult as her back hit the wall. A near sadistic smile crossed James’s face as he neared his daughter. Susan shut her eyes and braced herself for the impact, which never came. _

_ Maria rushed forward, grabbing her husband by the sleeve. “Please, James, don’t hurt her. She didn’t do anything. Let her go. Please.” _

_ He seemed to consider the desperate plea for a moment, before stepping aside, giving Susan a clear pathway to the door. “Fine. But you, Maria, aren’t going anywhere.” _

_ “Thank you, sir,” Maria whispered. “Susan, darling, you should go.” _

_ “Listen to your whore of a mother, Susie.” James laughed. “Go!” _

_ Susan carefully stood up on shaky legs, her entire body hurting from being thrown onto the floor. She hurried past James, pleading with every deity she knew that he wouldn’t change his mind. He shoved her forward, making her nearly lose her balance. As she neared the door, her mother placed a hand on her shoulder. _

Go to Mr. Burr’s house _. Maria signed hastily.  _ You’ll be safe there.

_ Susan wanted to argue but stopped when James practically exploded with anger again. _

_ “What did you say to her?!” _

_ “Go, Susan, please!” Seeing tears pool in her mother's eyes, Susan finally complied. Part of her wanted to stay, to save her mother from that monster, but she knew it wasn’t possible. He was bigger and stronger than both of them combined. They could never win against him. It was useless to try. _

_ So she ran. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, without looking back. She stopped only once, at the front door, freezing at the sound of her mother’s blood-curdling scream. Her flight instinct kicked in and she ran with double the speed, pretending to not hear the torture going on in her room. _

_ The rest of the day was a blur. Running across the road, pounding on her best friend’s door, sobbing into Aaron Burr’s shirt, falling asleep on the sofa in Theodosia’s arms, and waking up hours later to her mother’s smiling but bruised face. _

_ Maria wouldn’t tell her exactly what happened after Susan’s escape, only that two hours later James got into his car and drove off without as much as a word.  _

_ They stayed with the Burrs for a month until it was finally deemed by Maria and Mr. Burr that it was safe enough to return. James coming back was highly unlikely, seeing as he took all of his belongings when he left. It took Susan until early August to enter her room again. She couldn’t bear being in the same room where her mother was beaten to a bloody pulp. _

_ But the bloodstains were eventually scrubbed out of the floor. The old wallpaper was peeled off and renewed. Every trace of James was either thrown out or burned in a bonfire in the Burrs’ backyard. Life returned to the semi-normal state it once was. _

“And, yeah. That’s it.” Susan didn’t even notice that she was crying. Though, honestly, so was everyone else in the room. Silence fell as her friends processed the story.

“Susan, that’s…” Fanny was at a loss for words. “Awful. So, so awful.”

“If I ever see that man he better start praying for mercy.” Frances cracked her knuckles before seeing Susan’s terrified expression. “Right, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” The Reynolds girl fiddled with the hem of her red nightgown. “Oh, and one more thing?”

Marie looked up with concern. “Please don’t tell me there’s more to the story.”

“No, I just want to say that if I ever reject a hug it’s not because I’m mad at you. It’s because I’m sometimes scared of human touch and affection.” She looked directly at Georges. “I’m sorry. I know you’re a good guy and you would never do anything to hurt me, but it’s gonna take a while until I’ll feel safe hugging you.”

“Take all the time you need, Susan. I’ll respect your boundaries until you’re ready. No rush.” Georges sighed. His hatred for James Reynolds just doubled, if not tripled. How could a man do that to his own wife and daughter?

Georges was the oldest of his friends, not counting his and Marie’s older sister, Anastasie. That meant he felt responsible for taking care of them. It didn’t matter if he was there for them since the very beginning, like with Marie, or just met them two weeks ago, like with Susan. He would always try to protect them. All of them.

His big brother instincts went into overdrive the second he laid eyes on Susan. She was a tiny, malnourished, anxiety-ridden girl in slightly oversized clothing and a permanently frightened expression on her face. He only heard about her through Theo’s stories before. When they met, he felt an overwhelming urge to protect her. He was a big brother to all his friends, and he was willing to wait until Susan felt safe enough to become a part of the family.

“Susan? Do you mind if I send a quick summary of this to Philip?” Angie asked awkwardly.

She nodded in response. “Philip’s my friend too. He deserves to know.”

Marie decided to lighten up the mood. “This might be the wrong time to ask, but how about we distract ourselves from Susan’s… story, and do each other’s make up?”

“That sounds nice.” Susan relaxed and decided to enjoy herself for the rest of the night. The sleepover took a severe downturn already and it was only fair to let the hostess decide how to cheer everyone up. 

Besides, she’s never had her make up done before.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so this got intense. I promise I’ll try to make the next few chapters more lighthearted before jumping in to the next major plot point.
> 
> Who else wants to join me on a quest to murder James Reynolds and toss his body in a ditch?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan learns of Maria’s past

A full two days have passed since the sleepover, the calendar now marking the date to be Monday, September 16th. The clock hanging on the hallway wall showed half-past six in the afternoon, so both Maria and Susan were home. The insistent ticking of said clock echoed through the quiet house, slowly driving Susan insane. The events of the sleepover were still fresh on her mind. 

_‘You shouldn’t have told them.’_ The stubborn and anxiety-ridden side of her said. _‘They’re gonna start treating you differently from now on. They’ll consider you broken. You were already the awkwardly antisocial one of the friend group before this, remember? Eventually, they’ll just ditch you because they’ll get tired of walking on eggshells around you.’_

_‘That’s bullcrap!’_ The confident and rational side countered. _‘You saw them today. They all acted the same as they did before they knew your story. Nothing’s gonna change just because you told them about your father. If anything, life will get easier! They’ll be more understanding!_

Susan shook her head to clear it. Arguing with herself wasn’t going to get her anywhere. If anything, she would just go completely mad if she kept listening to the imaginary people in her head. She realized she had been pacing around the room and was now standing in front of her mirror. 

She only got a mirror in her room recently, after her father left. Her mother was too afraid that he could shatter it and use the glass to hurt her. Though, knowing James Reynolds, that fear was entirely rational and reasonable. 

Stepping closer, Susan rested her fingers on the cool, reflective surface. She met her own eyes, smiling slightly. Staring at herself in the mirror was almost like looking right at her mother. The two were nearly identical. 

Anytime she saw an image of herself, she mentally thanked her mother’s genes for winning so many battles. They had the same rounded face, framed by dark brown curls that cascaded down their backs in neat waves. The same long lashes and full lips that most people considered conventionally attractive, but Susan had grown to dislike. 

Despite all the similarities, there was one thing that Susan could never replicate, and that was her mother’s smile. Maria was the kind of person who could light up the entire room with her smile, although that rarely ever happened unless she and Susan were alone. Maria rarely showed any emotion when other people were around, but she gave the warmest of smiles when she was alone with her daughter. 

Of course, their proudest feature of all was their eyes. They were large and expressive, and brown in colour, a particular shade that many would compare to warm melted chocolate. According to something Maria said on a quiet and rainy afternoon a few years ago, Susan’s grandmother had the same eyes. 

Right underneath Susan’s left eye was a small, faded scar. She didn’t quite remember how she got it, only that her father had something to do with it. Maria had taught her how to cover it up with concealer to avoid teachers and classmates asking questions. 

A similar, though much larger scar ran across her clavicle and was peeking out from under her favorite red sweater. Even more scars and bruises, some big, some small, littered the entirety of her body. A constant reminder of the first fourteen years of her life that she could never rid herself of. 

_Dad always said that Mum is ugly and that no other man would ever want her, and if Mum is ugly, wouldn’t that mean that I’m ugly too?_

She finally tore her gaze away from the mirror, suddenly remembering what had been plaguing her for the past two days. She still hasn’t confessed to her mother about what she had shared at the sleepover, and the guilt of keeping something secret was eating away at her.

Susan and Maria didn’t keep secrets from each other. When you only have each one person to rely on in the entire universe, keeping a secret almost feels like a betrayal. Sure, little fibs here and there are common in any household, but this was different. This was serious. Susan and Maria didn’t keep secrets from each other, but they kept a very major one from the rest of the world. 

If word got out of what exactly had been going on behind closed doors in the Reynolds household, Susan would be in danger of getting taken away by child protective services, and there was no way in hell Maria would let that happen. Everyone present at the sleepover had sworn to take the story to their graves, but that didn’t stop the young Reynolds girl from worrying. 

Sighing heavily, Susan headed for the living room, closing the bedroom door softly behind her. 

“Hey, Mum? Can I talk to you? It’s really important.” 

Her mother looked up from her book when she heard Susan’s faint footsteps approaching. “Of course, Sunshine. What is it?”

The corners of Susan’s mouth upturned at the nickname, worries forgotten for a single moment. She knew the exact reason behind the nickname. With lives as cold, dark, and grey as theirs, a little sunshine was just what they always needed. 

The fond memories of the warm afternoons she used to spend listening to endless stories while nestled in her mother’s lap faded, as she remembered exactly what she came here to do. She took a deep breath and continued. 

“Something happened during that sleepover I had at Marie’s...“

“Are you okay?” Maria interrupted. “Did someone hurt you? If someone dared to even lay a finger on you I swear I’ll-“

“No, Mum, no one hurt me. I’m okay. What happened is that I- well… I told them about what happened back in June… with Dad.” 

Color visibly drained from Maria’s face. “You- you did what?” 

“I told my friends about what happened when Dad found out about the affair,” Susan repeated, fidgeting from foot to foot as she waited for her mother to process what she had said. The silence in the room was deafening. 

“Why the hell did you do that?” The change in Maria’s demeanor was instant, making Susan forget every argument she had prepared. She had rarely seen her mother angry, and even when she did, it was never aimed at her.

“I… guess I thought they deserved to know. They’re my friends and-“

“Your _friends_? You’ve known them for fifteen days!” Maria bit back a scoff.

“I’ve known Theo for two years!” Susan shot back. “And okay, I’ve known them for fifteen days. So what?”

Maria sputtered. “What do you mean ‘So what’? You can’t just share the most private and intimate details of our lives with people you barely know! What if one of them tells someone else? What if _all_ of them tell someone else? The entire school will know by the end of the week!”

“They’re not going to do that! They promised to keep quiet, and they’re not going to break that promise. I trust them.” The young girl stood her ground. No matter how much she loved her mother, she wasn’t about to let her slander the only friends she ever had. 

“Wasn’t Angelica Hamilton one of the people at the sleepover?” The woman raised an eyebrow.

“ _Angie_.” Susan corrected. “She hates being called Angelica.”

“Whatever. Did you even _think_ before you told her? You know how the Hamiltons are, they can’t keep their mouths shut to save their lives! She could be in her father’s study _right now_ , passing everything onto him. And what’s stopping Alexander Hamilton from writing another pamphlet about me? About how awful of a mother I am because I couldn’t even protect my own child! Next thing you know, CPS will be knocking on our door, you’ll be taken away, and I’ll be in so much legal trouble!”

Susan cut in when Maria paused to take a breath. “Why would _you_ get in trouble? It’s not like _you_ were the one who threw bottles at my head for the past fourteen years.” 

“Do you know that not reporting child abuse counts as being an accessory to the crime? They’d throw me behind bars because I never told a soul, aside from Aaron Burr, about what James was doing!” Somehow, Maria managed to keep a level tone, almost like some subconscious part of her knew that yelling at her daughter would only make it worse. She had never yelled at Susan a single time throughout her life, and she wasn’t about to start now. Despite that, the sheer brashness in her words was enough to hurt the teenage girl. “And they wouldn’t listen if I tried to tell them about how he threatened to _slit your throat open_ if I ever said anything. But you didn’t think of that, did you? Because you _never think_ about _anything_ that comes out of your mouth!”

“Mum, I’m sorry, just let me explain-”

“You never even _considered_ how your carelessness could affect us! Our entire lives, as we know them, could be over tomorrow, and it will all be _because of you!_ ” 

Instinctively taking a step back, Susan wrapped her arms around herself and gazed at her mother with fearful eyes. “You’re starting to sound like Dad!”

Maria flinched. “W-what?”

“He- he always said that I was to blame for everything he did to us. I only told my friends about him because I was tired of hiding it for so long. I wanted to have more people I could rely on, besides you and Theo and Mr. Burr. I thought you’d understand, but you didn’t even let me get a word in!”

Maria’s eyes widened as everything she had said replayed in her head. She never meant to sound like James. She _despised_ the idea of sounding like James. And yet, amid her fit of anger, that was exactly what she did. 

“I should have let you explain…” She mumbled. Her eyes looked almost glazed over as she stared at something invisible behind her daughter, seemingly lost in some distant memory of her past. Susan took it as her cue to leave, the slamming of her bedroom door being the sound that brought Maria out of her stupor.

Later that night, Susan was curled up in her bed. The argument she had with her mother was weighing heavily on her mind, preventing her from falling asleep. The stuffy air of the room didn't help. The weather was still relatively warm, so she couldn’t open the window unless she wanted a mosquito infestation, and she doubted that would help her sleep better. 

Groaning in frustration, Susan swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. At this rate, she was more likely to suffocate in the comforter than fall asleep, so she set a course for the kitchen to get a glass of water. Sure, it wouldn’t lift the guilt she felt for making her mother angry off her shoulders, but at least it would help her deal with the unbearable temperature of the room. 

She moved silently through the hallway, being careful to avoid the creaky floorboards. Over the years, she had learned how to expertly navigate her way through the dark house without making a sound. James Reynolds hated it when she was awake later than she should have been, and he made that very clear when she was around eight or nine years old. She subconsciously rubbed at her arm as she remembered the one time he had caught her. Of course, her father wasn’t around anymore, but that didn’t stop her from being paranoid. 

She paused outside of her mother’s door, everything said earlier that day echoing in her mind. Her heart was telling her to go in and apologize. At the same time, her brain was practically shouting that it was very late at night and she should leave it be until the morning. Knowing her mother, the same thoughts were likely to be plaguing her as well. 

Susan sighed. Maybe her brain was right. She should leave it until the morning when she can address the issue with a clear head. Just as she turned to leave, she heard the faint, low creaks of her mother’s bed, followed by an almost unnoticeable rustling of the sheets and what sounded like a pained whimper. There’s no way Maria would have been awake at this time, seeing as she always treasured every hour of sleep she could get. Unless, of course…

Abandoning her quest for water, Susan confidently twisted the doorknob. Just as she opened the door, her mother sat up abruptly in bed, panting heavily. The moonlight streaming through a window across the room reflected off the beads of sweat collecting at the neckline of her nightgown, giving her almost an ethereal glow. 

“Susan?” Maria spoke in a raspy voice, locking eyes with her daughter. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she struggled to catch her breath. “You should be asleep.”

“So should you.” Susan looked over the scene in front of her. Her mother certainly seemed shaken up, fitting right in with the messed up bedspread. The sheets were bunched up underneath her hands, nearly all of the pillows were strewn around on the ground, and the blanket was barely even on the bed, most of it laying in a messy pile on the floor. “Did you have another one of your nightmares?”

“Yes, I did, but it’s not important. I’m fine. Go back to bed.” Maria’s arms, which she was propping herself up on, gave out, making her drop back down. 

“You don’t seem fine.” The young girl persisted, closing the door behind her as she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached over and took her mother’s hand. “Was it about Dad and the Reynolds Pamphlet?”

Maria shook her head. “It wasn’t… but that’s what we need to talk about.” 

Susan cringed inwardly at the reminder. “We could talk about it in the morning instead…”

“No. If I put it off now, I might never find the right words again. So please, just hear me out.” Upon receiving a nod, she continued. “I should have let you explain why you did it, and I didn’t. I didn’t even attempt to hear your side of the story. I was just so… lost… and angry… after you confessed that you told your friends about what happened, that I didn’t realize what I was doing or saying. I’m sorry, sweetheart, I really am.”

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you. I understand, what I did was really stupid and it could ruin our lives. You’re right, I should think about what I’m saying before it comes out of my mouth. I- Mum? Are you okay?”

Maria’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears. She tried desperately to wipe them away with her free hand, eventually giving up and letting them fall. “I’m such a hypocrite!”

Susan’s eyebrows creased. “What are you- Is this about the nightmare you had?”

The woman let out a small, affirmative hum. She turned away from her daughter. She hated to cry in front of her, especially since she was supposed to be the strong one “I should have listened to you. I should have allowed you to tell your side of the story. Th...they didn’t listen to me either. They never even let me get a word in! I promised myself I would never become like them- I promised!”

“Who’s they?” Susan asked in a quiet voice, hoping that she wouldn’t trigger her mother’s tear flow any further.

Her hopes fell flat as a new wave of tears hit Maria. “My- my mum and dad...” 

Oh. _Oh._

“Was your nightmare about the day you got disowned?”

Maria could only nod as her thin and frail body began to rack with sobs, leaving Susan with nothing to do other than hug her mother tightly from behind, careful not to touch any old scars and hurt her.

Well, at least not hurt her more than she already had by reopening that emotional wound, which had been carefully sealed away for fourteen years, and Maria was bent on making sure it remained that way forever. Of course, that didn’t last because Susan just had to go and cut it open again.

After a few minutes, Maria’s cries seemed to have subsided. She quieted down, though her tense shoulders gave away that she was far from falling asleep. Susan tapped her mother lightly on the arm and waited until the woman shifted under her touch, letting her know that she had her full attention. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“No. I don’t want to trouble you with this. Go back to bed.” Maria replied. It all made sense, of course, Susan had to inherit her stubbornness from somewhere. 

“I’m trying to help you. You have work in a few hours, and if you don’t fall asleep soon, you’ll be exhausted all day.” Susan dug through her memories, trying to remember what either Maria or Theo did when she was woken up by nightmares. “You know, back when we lived with the Burrs, I would have nightmares about what happened because of the pamphlet. A lot of nightmares. And every time I had one, Theo would insist I tell her about it. She wouldn’t go to bed until I did. She said that telling someone about it helps it stop feeling so real. Please, Mum, tell me. You’ll feel better if you get it off your chest, I promise.”

“Do- do I have to?” Susan nodded firmly. Maria let out a shaky breath but complied. “Okay. You’ve probably guessed by now, but it’s not a happy story. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

The young girl took her mother’s hands into her own, rubbing small circles on the backs of them with her thumbs. “I’m sure. A hundred percent. Go on.”

“I don’t even know where to start…”

“Pretend like you’re telling a story,” Susan suggested. “Set the scene and go from there.”

“Sounds like you’re an expert in this.” Maria almost laughed before her face turned serious again. “I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Christmas Eve, and all of my full siblings were visiting for the holidays. I was feeling really sick that day, and even though I was scared to even consider something like that, I think part of me knew I was pregnant. Sara, one of my sisters, decided to humour me and secretly snuck me a pregnancy test…”

_“P...positive.”_

_Sara choked on whatever was in her mug, most likely alcohol, seeing as she had turned twenty one that year. “What?”_

_“It’s positive.”_

_“Let me see that!” The older girl grabbed the test out of her sister's hands. Sure enough, the two life-changing red lines were clearly visible on the small white stick. “Please tell me you’re joking. You drew that second line on, didn’t you?”_

_Maria could only shake her head. It felt like the world was burning and crashing down around her. She was sixteen. She was only sixteen!_

_Sighing, Sara took another swig of her alcohol. “Two questions; who and when? Wait, don’t answer that first one. I know who. You’d have to be messed up in the head to cheat on James Reynolds. So, when did you even manage to do it?”_

_“A month ago,” Maria responded in a quiet voice. “Remember, when all of you were going to visit Lewis, Alida, and their kids and I stayed home because I had a lot of homework to do?”_

_“So what you’re trying to tell me is that you lied so you could stay home and smooch around with your boyfriend?” Sara didn’t sound angry, but there was a tone of accusation in her voice as if she had never snuck anyone over when she was a teenager._

_“I didn’t lie! I actually had a whole pile of stuff I needed to work on. That’s why I invited him over in the first place. He promised to help me out with any homework I didn’t understand, and I didn’t even realize when it escalated before it was too late…”_

_Sara set her mug and the test down on the bedside table a little too forcefully. “You have to tell Mum and Dad now.”_

_“What? No! I can’t!” Maria exclaimed._

_“So what are you planning to do then?” The older sister sat down on the bed._

_“...Keep it a secret?”_

_“Yeah, right. And for how long is that gonna work, hm? It’s only gonna be a few months before you’ll grow too big and won’t be able to hide the baby bump anymore. And even if you do manage to hide the entire pregnancy, what are you gonna do afterwards?” Sara scoffed and rolled her eyes, putting on a high pitched voice meant to imitate her sister’s. “‘Mum has eleven children already, she probably won’t notice another extra one running around!’ You know, claiming your kid is your baby sibling only works when the person you’re spreading your bullshit to isn’t your own mother!”_

_“But I can’t just tell them…”_

_“Look, either you tell them, or I’ll tell them for you, and I’m sure they’ll react better if they hear it from you.” Sara extended a hand to Maria. “Come on, let’s just get it over with.”_

_After a moment of hesitation, Maria took her sister’s hand, grabbing the test stick off the bedside table, and letting herself be led into the living room._

Susan scrunched up her nose. “Your sister doesn’t sound very nice.”

“Sara was always a little rough around the edges, but honestly? She’s a complete sweetheart once you get past that.” Maria gave her daughter a melancholy smile. “If my sister’s reaction sounded bad to you, just wait until you hear what my parents had to say. If my dream ended right there, it probably wouldn’t have turned into a nightmare…” 

_“Mum, Dad, Maria here has something to show you.” Sara looked pointedly at her sister, who was practically hiding behind her. She nudged Maria forward, almost making her lose her balance._

_With shaky hands, Maria placed the test on the coffee table and slid it over. Her father, Richard Lewis, tore his gaze away from the TV, his eyes widening once he noticed the white stick on the table._

_“What is this?”_

_“A- a pregnancy test.” Maria stuttered out._

_She saw the cogs turning in her mother, Susanna Vanderburgh’s, head. Shock crossed the older woman’s face as she put two and two together, disbelief soon following. “Maria, please tell me it’s not yours.”_

_“It better not be,” Richard added. “Sara, is it yours? Did you finally get a boy in your life?”_

_Sara laughed nervously. “Not gonna happen, Dad.”_

_“Susanna?” Her mother looked over at the woman sitting in a nearby armchair. “Are we expecting another grandchild from you?”_

_Susanna Junior, Maria’s oldest full sister, shook her head, confused. “God, no. The boys are way too much trouble already.”_

_Richard rubbed his temples and let out a long, suffering sigh. “I can’t believe this. You’re sixteen, Maria! What were you thinking?”_

_“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to-“_

_“We taught you to be better than this!” Susanna Senior interrupted, her voice tinted with disappointment. She grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV. It was as if she didn’t hear her daughter's poor attempts at an apology._

_“I know, and I’m sorry, but please, just let me explain-“_

_This time, her words were cut off by a sharp slap delivered to her cheek. She didn’t even notice when her father had stood up from the couch and moved close enough to hit her. Tears sprang in her eyes as she recoiled from the hit. Her father had never hurt her before. He had never hurt her mother or her siblings before either. Richard Lewis was a kind, loving father who vowed to always protect his family. But now, he was replaced by an enraged version of his former self._

_“I_ always _did everything for you. I got you_ everything _you ever asked for, and_ this _is how you repay me? By spreading your legs and tarnishing the family name? Did you even_ think _about what’s going to happen once people find out?”_

_“Dad, please…”_

_“A whore like you could never be a daughter of mine.” Her father’s words cut her deeply as she tried and failed to hold back tears. Her knees buckled under her and she fell to the ground, flinching as another barrage of hate was thrown her way._

_Whore. Slut. Bitch. Harlot. Disgrace._

_“Stop crying, goddamnit,_ get up! _” Richard pulled her up roughly by the arm. She held back a cry of pain, terrified of making him even more angry. She remembered what happened the one time James Reynolds got this angry. That was the first time he had ever raised a hand to her, but it was far from the last.  
_

_  
From the perspective of everyone in the room, Maria looked like a pathetic mess. She was shaking like an autumn leaf and desperately trying to apologize in between sobs and their father’s shouting. She kept her red-rimmed, teary eyes trained on the floor, but still sneaking glances at her siblings, praying that at least one of them would protect her from their father’s wrath, but she had no such luck._

_Susanna Junior was still sitting in her armchair, glaring at Maria in disgust. The same Susanna who used to read her bedtime stories and sneak her biscuits from the kitchen was now looking at her like she was the scum of the earth. Sara was on the couch, next to their mother. Unlike their oldest sister, Sara had a sympathetic gleam in her eye and looked like she wanted to stand up for her, but their mother’s grip on her shoulder prevented her from doing so. Thomas and James, her older brothers, refused to even look at her._

_Worst of all was the look on her mother’s face. It was like Susanna Senior was looking at a drug-addicted hooker on the corner of the street rather than at her own daughter. If looks could kill, the teenaged girl would be dead ten times over. Oh, how Maria wished to die right then and there, just so she wouldn’t have to endure her father calling her every name in the book and her mother sneering at her with disdain._

_All because they didn’t know the full story. None of them knew the full story because they never gave her a single chance to explain what really happened._

_To explain how James Reynolds had taken advantage of her._

_She was pulled out of her reverie by Richard grabbing her by the chin and forcing her to look at him. His eyes, once so full of light and love for his children, were now filled with hatred. Once he spoke, his voice was laced with loathing and repulsion._

_“I want you out of here.”_

_It seemed like the world had come to stop. Time itself slowed down as she gained an understanding of what her father had just said. For a moment, she had forgotten how to breathe, only succeeding in mumbling out a meek “What?”_

_“I said, I want you out of here.” Richard spat through gritted teeth. “I shall not have a_ slut _like_ you _living under_ my _roof!”_

_The next two minutes or so after that were a blur. She didn’t register anything going on until the door was firmly locked behind her, leaving her outside in the freezing winter night with nothing but the clothes on her back._

_She didn’t know how long she sat on the front porch, hoping that her father would calm down and let back inside. And, if he stuck by his decision to kick her out, where would she even go? Her five half-siblings from Susanna Senior’s side, all over twenty years older than her, lived way too far away. Plus, they had their own families to take care of. Most 24-hour establishments were closed due to the holidays, and she knew what often happened to young girls in homeless shelters._

_The same thing that happened to her in the comfort of her own room. The same thing that led to her getting disowned._

_Eventually, all lights inside the house had been turned off, indicating that everyone had gone to bed. Indicating that they were all okay with leaving her at the mercy of the December cold. Rubbing her hands together in a poor attempt to warm them up, she lifted herself off the porch and walked down the driveway. Once she reached the street, she turned around to look at the only home she had ever known for what she hoped wasn’t the last time._

_Hope reignited in her heart when she noticed that one of the windows on the second floor was open, and her only younger sibling, Elizabeth, was looking at her. She wasn’t in the living room when the argument happened, but she had heard everything._

_“Bessie?” Maria called out, her throat sore from all the crying. She could make out Bessie biting her bottom lip in thought and looking conflicted whether to talk to her sister or to follow whatever their father must have told her. And, for a little while, it looked like she was going to choose the former._

_But, of course, Bessie was only fourteen. She hasn’t hit her rebellious phase yet and still followed what their parents told her without asking questions. The latter won out, and Bessie, albeit with a somber expression, closed her window and drew the blinds._

_The cold snow nipping at her skin was nothing in comparison to the blood-chilling realization that her entire family had turned against her. She was left completely alone. She lost her family and her home in the span of one evening, all while being only sixteen years old. With her remaining relatives too far away and anywhere else closed, she only had a single place left to go if she didn’t want to die of hypothermia in her parents’ driveway._

_Begrudgingly, she turned away from the house and started down the road on the long trek to the last person she wanted to see. The person who was nearly entirely responsible for the mess she was stuck in. The person who had sexually assaulted her a mere month ago. The person who she despised with her entire being, but was too terrified to break up with. But it was only for a few days, right? Only until her parents cooled off and took her back, right?_

_Little did Maria know, she would be trapped with James Reynolds for another fourteen years._

Susan blinked a few times as she turned the information over in her head. This was the most Maria had ever said about her parents, and the first time she had ever mentioned her siblings by name. 

“Honestly, I wish my nightmare could have been about the Reynolds Pamphlet.” Maria almost relaxed until a sudden realization hit her out of nowhere. “ _The Reynolds Pamphlet!_ They would have read the Reynolds Pamphlet! They hated me before, I can’t even imagine what they must think of me now! I- I guess it just proves my father right. I’m just a slut. A whore who’s unworthy of being part of his family. He was right all along.” 

“Mum, I’m sure that-”

“You don’t understand! If they read the pamphlet, and everyone has read that _goddamn_ pamphlet, then they would all know what I did last summer! And they would just hate me even more!”   
  


“I’m sure that they don’t hate you. I don’t think they ever hated you.” Susan tried to reassure her. “And even if they do, they can’t do anything to you anymore. They’re not here. They can’t hurt you.”   
  


That was clearly the wrong thing to say, seeing as Maria tensed up and a look of immense grief crossed her face. “But... but what if I want them to be here?”

_Oh._ “You miss them, don’t you?”

” _So much._ Every _single_ day. I miss Susanna groaning in exasperation at our antics but chuckling quietly when no one was looking. I miss Thomas and James constantly messing around and laughing even when they were being scolded. I miss Sara always having something sarcastic to say as a comeback to petty insults. I miss Bessie staying up late with me to gossip about boys... and sometimes girls. I miss Lewis and Henry and Magdalena and Gerrit and Jane- they’re my half-siblings. It never mattered to them that we had different fathers, or that they were all at least twenty years older than us. They probably felt like we were replacements for them, but they cared for us anyway. The days when they came to visit were always the best. And as for Mum and Dad... I guess I miss them always being there for me. I miss them being proud of me. I miss them taking care of me. I... _I_ _miss them loving me!”_

 _  
_Her ramblings faded out and dissolved into tears as she collapsed into her daughter’s arms, once again crying her poor, broken heart out. Susan held her close, running her fingers through her hair and humming an old song, the name of which she couldn’t quite recall.

After what felt like an eternity, Maria’s wave of tears had finally run out. She looked positively exhausted from crying and seemed minutes away from falling asleep, which was understandable. She _did_ spend nearly half an hour recounting her past traumas, after all. 

“Do you feel any better now that you let it out?” The teenager asked.

“A little, yeah.” Her mother managed a tired smile. “Thank you.” 

Reaching over, Susan picked up a pillow that had fallen on the floor and lied down next to Maria. The woman wrapped her arms around her daughter, resting her chin on the girl’s head.

“Mum?” Susan spoke up as she nuzzled closer into the embrace. “I’m sorry for ruining your life.”

Maria’s serene expression hardened. “Don’t you even _dare_ say that ever again! You didn’t ruin my life, you made it better. You were the only thing that kept me going all these years. So what if I got disowned because I got pregnant with you? That wasn’t your fault. Your father is the only one to blame for what happened, remember that, okay?”

“Okay.” Susan nodded, but still had another question on her mind. “Oh, and one more thing? If you could go back in time and change what happened that evening, would you?”

“No,” Maria answered without hesitation. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and if I had to get disowned just so I could have my little Sunshine in my life, then so be it. I love you more than anyone else in this whole wide world, and I would never change a darn thing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra long chapter for you guys in honour of our girl Susan’s birthday! (And because I was gone for two and a half months-)
> 
> Sorry that this one was REALLY heavy on the angst as well, I SWEAR I’ll ACTUALLY do something WAY more lighthearted next time.
> 
> ...did I use part of this chapter as an excuse to brag about the fact that I spent ages digging through old historical birth records to find the number + names of Maria’s actual siblings? Yes. What are you gonna do about it?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Susan and her friends break a school rule

“Did you tell her? Did you tell her? Did you tell her? Did you tell her? Did you tell-” Marie didn’t get to finish her sentence as Georges clapped a hand over her mouth.

“Pipe down, _ Virginie,  _ let the _ fille  _ breathe! She can’t tell us anything if you don’t shut your ever-flapping mouth for a few seconds.”

Without hesitating, Marie bit down on her brother’s hand and huffed in satisfaction as he yelped in pain. “Don’t you _ ever  _ call me _ Virginie  _ again.” She turned her attention back to the short brunette girl in front of her. “So,  _ did _ you tell her?”

“Yes, I did,” Susan answered, wringing her hands nervously. Her friends knew about her plan to tell her mother of what secrets have been unveiled at the sleepover and were now pestering her for her mother’s reaction. Private, secretive conversations like this one were unsuited for the crowded cafeteria where anybody could overhear, so the eight of them had snuck out to the teacher’s parking lot behind the school.

The Reynolds girl was perched on a curb by the side of the road, Theo on her right side and Fanny on her left. Marie sat cross-legged on the concrete in front of her, ignoring Georges’ glare from a few feet away. Frances was leaning against a nearby lamppost while Philip and Angie had carefully clambered onto the front of their parents’ car. 

Marie bounced in her spot with excitement and leaned forward, her tawny-brown eyes staring straight into Susan’s much darker ones. “ _ Aaand? _ ”

“And she kind of… snapped at me.” 

Collective looks of shock and surprise passed around the group. Frances straightened up from her slouching position and raised an eyebrow. “Look, I don’t know your mother very well- or at all, really. We’ve only interacted twice when I borrowed a Spanish dictionary from the library last year, but from what I know, she doesn’t seem like the type to blow up at people she loves.”

“Yeah, I’ve known Aunt Mar- excuse me,  _ Mrs. Reynolds _ for two years and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her angry,” Theo added, her cheeks darkening slightly at her slip up. She had been given permission to call the woman ‘Aunt Maria’ during her and Susan’s stay with the Burrs after the publishing of the Pamphlet, but only in private. Susan was also allowed to call Mr. Burr ‘Uncle Aaron’, but she felt way too awkward to do it. “She’s always either sad or anxious or just… showing no emotion at all.”

Susan sighed and rested her chin on her hands, her elbows propped up on her knees. “ _ I’ve  _ known her for _ fourteen _ years and she’s  _ never _ been mad at me before. I’ve seen her angry a few times, but it was only ever at my father when he… took it too far while… hurting me…” 

She subconsciously scratched at the spot under her left eye where the scar was hidden by a layer of concealer, which was a few tones lighter than her skin. It wasn’t too noticeable but still stood out if you looked too closely. The concealer belonged to her mother and Susan was only using it because they couldn’t afford to buy two different shades every month or so. Angie had discovered the scar while doing her make-up at the sleepover and had promised to buy her a perfectly-matched concealer supply of her own for Christmas.

Philip decided to put a stop to the uncomfortable silence which was created by Susan’s last statement. “Well, what  _ did _ Mrs. Reynolds say when she ‘snapped’ at you?”

“Oh, um, well…” Susan stammered, glancing back at a window on the second floor of the school which she knew belonged to the library. “She just said- she didn’t shout or raise her voice or anything- that telling you guys about our past was  _ extremely _ stupid and I put us at risk of a CPS investigation. Don’t get me wrong, I know none of you would ever tell our story to anyone, but my mother… has some  _ severe _ trust issues. I can’t exactly blame her. I mean, she trusted her parents and they kicked her out. She trusted my father and he abused her for over fourteen years. She trusted Mr. Hamilton and he-” She spared a glance at the mentioned man’s two present children. “You know.”

“Published the Reynolds Pamphlet blog.” Angie filled in, fiddling with the hem of her hot-pink shirt.

“Since we’re on the topic, AJ isn’t still giving you grief about that damned thing, is he?” Fanny tilted her head in question.

Susan hissed through gritted teeth at the mention of Alexander Hamilton Junior. “Someone needs to teach that guy to mind his own business and leave me alone. It’s like he’s obsessed with bothering me or something. He acts as if  _ I _ was the one who slept with your father!”

The oldest Hamilton turned red and sputtered. “I did  _ not _ need that mental image!”

Angie smacked him upside the head. “You  _ better _ not have just imagined Susan sleeping with our dad.” 

“Can we maybe…  _ stop  _ talking about  _ that  _ for a  _ second? _ ” Susan threw her head back in frustration. “I wish I could go one day without someone reminding me of that godforsaken pamphlet!”

“Knowing AJ, that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon.” Frances walked over and sat down at Susan’s feet, Marie immediately scooting over to be closer to her.

“Well, then I wish AJ just… stopped existing for a day!” She turned towards the Hamiltons. “No offense.”

“None taken.” Philip shrugged at the same time as Angie rolled her eyes and said “It’s fine, AJ’s kind of an ass anyway.”

“Never mind all that,” Fanny pulled Susan into a side hug. “By the way, your mother isn’t mad at you anymore, is she?”

“No, actually, we made up later that night- or was it earlier this morning?… okay, the timing’s irrelevant. I couldn’t sleep so I went to get some water from the kitchen, and when I passed by her room I heard her having a nightmare. I came in and she told me about it and it’s almost like we hadn’t even argued in the first place.” Susan smiled.

Georges nodded. “Good. That’s good. We can’t have you fighting with your mother and then walking around all gloomy and anxious- well,  _ more _ gloomy and anxious than usual.”

“Ugh, fighting with your parents is the absolute  _ worst _ feeling in the world!” Marie groaned and flopped sideways, her head ending up in Frances’ lap.

“At least you  _ have _ parents.” Fanny Squared said in unison.

Sharing a look, Theo and Susan high-fived. “Single parent squad!”

The Lafayettes and the Hamiltons glanced at each other and laughed nervously, but before any of them could say anything else, a voice echoed through the empty parking lot and a figure rushed towards them.

“ _ Angie _ !” It turned out to be a girl, a sophomore by the looks of it. She had presumably just come out of a PE lesson, as she wore a teal shirt, grey shorts and sneakers. Her extremely frizzy, shoulder-length hair was tied back into a short, loose ponytail, and her emerald-green eyes stood out against her dark skin.

“Mary?” Angie muttered, just loud enough for her friends to hear. She slid down from her parents’ car and met the now-named Mary halfway. “What are you doing here?”

“That’s Mary Jefferson,” Theo whispered in Susan’s ear. “The Vice Principal’s youngest daughter. She and Angie have a sort of ‘on-again-off-again’ relationship, and their latest breakup was in mid-August.”

“I was looking for you in the cafeteria and you weren’t there, so I asked around and Catherine Church- your cousin, right?- said that she saw you sneaking out here with the rest of your… gang of misfits.” The Jefferson girl rattled off, her eyes trailing along the group. “I really need to ask you something, and I don’t want to put it off until after school or do it over text.”

Anger flared inside Susan for all of a second, before subsiding. Mary wasn’t entirely off when she called the eight of them a gang of misfits.  _ ‘I mean, look at us!’ _ She thought to herself.  _ ‘We look like the supporting cast of a YA novel where the author tried  _ way _ too hard to fill the diversity quota.’ _

“And that is?” Angie prompted.

Mary reached over and took her by the hand. “Are you doing anything this Friday?”

Angie frowned but didn’t move her hand. “Mary, we can’t keep doing this. You know we broke up, right?”

“I know, I know, but can we maybe... try again?” Mary stepped closer. “Please?”

“You said that last time.” The brown-haired girl scoffed. “And the time before that. You always ask if we can ‘try again’ and it never works out. Aren’t you tired of it?”

Mary shook her head. “No, I’m not. Because I like you, Angie, I really do. And it’s gonna be different this time, I promise. I won’t let  _ anything _ come between us again.”

Something akin to hope reignited in Angie’s eyes. “Not even our fathers and their stupid rivalry?”

“Not even that. Mr. Hamilton’s rivalry with Mr. Burr doesn’t stop your brother and Theodosia, does it?” The Jefferson girl chuckled, cupping the other girl’s face. “So, how about it? Wanna go on a date with me this Friday?”

“How could I say no to that?” Angie whispered, closing the short space between them and pulling Mary in for a kiss. The rest of the group politely averted their eyes, letting the two have their moment.

Before Mary could deepen the kiss, Angie lightly nudged her away, smiling apologetically. “Save that for Friday, okay?”

“Okay.” Very reluctantly, Mary let go of Angie’s hand. She made to leave, but stopped at the last second and turned to face Georges. “Oh, by the way, William Mulligan was looking for you. He said it was something important.”

“Duty calls.” Georges shrugged as a goofy grin spread across his face. He got up from the pavement and jogged to catch up with Mary, looking over his shoulder at his friends. “I’ll talk to you guys later!” 

“Let me guess, Georges is dating Mr. Mulligan’s son, isn’t he?” Susan spoke up once Georges and Mary were out of earshot.

“You didn’t know?” Marie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “It’s not a secret so I thought someone would’ve told you. They’ve been pining for each other since middle school.”

Fanny nodded along. “Come on, you must have figured out by now that everyone in our friend group is at least  _ a little _ bit gay.”

As if to prove her point, a blushing Angie tackled Philip, who had, thankfully, climbed off their parents’ car, into a hug, squealing incomprehensibly. Out of all her ramblings, Susan only managed to catch the phrase  _ “Mary still likes me!” _

“Or, in most cases, more than a little bit.” Philip laughed as he stroked Angie’s hair.

“Speaking of, and I can’t believe we haven’t asked yet,” Frances started, picking at her nails. “Susan, what’s your sexuality?”

“Uh, as far as I’m concerned, I’m straight,” Susan stated, faking nonchalance, years of hiding her true feelings behind a mask coming to her aid. Truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure of her answer. Not after seeing all her friends being so open about their relationships.

The Laurens girl gave her a shrug and a half-smile. “That’s cool too.”

Theo lightly elbowed Susan in the side. “Hey guys, we have a token straight in the friend group now!” 

Susan rubbed at the spot where Theo’s elbow had been. She had unknowingly hit an old bruise that was taking a little too long to heal. Susan supposed the bruise was from when her father threw her onto the floor the day the Reynolds Pamphlet was published.

_ ‘He’s not here. He can’t hurt us.’ _ She said in her head. The words had become a personal mantra that she repeated every time her thoughts drifted too much towards her past. Her eyes flickered from friend to friend and a question formed in her mind. 

“So… are  _ all _ of you  _ actually _ not straight?”

Angie, who had loosened her grip on Philip, plopped down onto the curb next to Fanny. “Yep! Georges, Frances, Marie and I are obvious, then there’s Philip who’s bi, Fanny who’s questioning, and Theo-”

“I prefer not to use labels.” Theo cut in. “I love who I love and I don’t need a word to define it.” Susan could feel her best friend wanting to add on something along the lines of  _ “Plus, all the internet discourse about the specifications and definitions of different sexualities really grind on my nerves.” _

“That’s my girl!” Philip exclaimed, opening his arms in invitation. Theo jumped up from the curb and threw herself at him, standing on her toes to give him a peck on the lips. Angie let out an  _ “Aww!” _ , and Susan swore she could hear Marie muttering  _ “Philip and Theo sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” _ under her breath.

Theo rested her head on Philip’s shoulder and checked the green-tinted watch on her right wrist. “By the way, the bell’s gonna ring in a few minutes, so we should get going.”

One by one, the group picked themselves up from where they were sitting and started the short walk towards the back door of the school. As they entered the building, Frances glanced around to make sure no teachers could catch them coming in. The teachers’ parking lot was supposed to be off-limits to students, but Marie convinced them to break the rule and sneak out there under the pretense of  _ “Everyone except for Fanny Squared is a staff kid, remember? I’m sure they won’t do anything if they catch us.” _

Susan trailed behind everyone, tuning out the jokes her friends were cracking and replaying the conversation over and over again in her head.

_ ‘Frances and Marie have been together for seven months, Angie and Mary have an on-again-off-again relationship, Georges and William are middle school sweethearts, Philip is bi, Fanny is questioning, Theo doesn’t like labels. They’re all out and proud of it and not afraid to show who they are. Marie even has a lesbian flag pin on her backpack! They’re all so happy with their identities and their relationships, so maybe… it would be okay for me to- Wait, hold up, what am I on about? I’m straight, aren’t I? Come on Susan, stop it, cut it out. What would Dad say if he found out you were even considering the possibility of not being straight? What would he do if he found out about your friends not being straight? That would not end well for you, or them, or Mum…’ _

_ ‘He’s not here. He can’t hurt us.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m being completely irrational. Me, not straight? Please. Frances would sooner kiss a guy than I would kiss a girl. I’m just trying to convince myself of something that isn’t there, making myself think what I want to think after seeing Angie and Mary kiss. I believe Theo called it the placebo effect once? It doesn’t matter. I’m one hundred percent straight, how could I ever think that I wasn’t?’ _

But as she settled into her usual seat next to Fanny, as always pretending not to notice the glare of AJ Hamilton, and waited for the Geography lesson to start, she couldn’t help but feel the seeds of doubt starting to take root somewhere deep inside her. She pushed the feeling down, fully intending to chuck the thoughts out of her head forever. To keep it all bottled up until she was ready to face it. Whenever that might be. 

_ ‘Not today, brain, not today.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been three months, huh?
> 
> *dodges shoes thrown my way*
> 
> I've gotten a mild bout writer's block, probably because I spent six moths writing nothing but angst (re: Chapter 10, Chapter 11, The Day She Died and Why Do They Hate Me) so I have no idea how to write anything else, heh. I'll TRY to post more often, I swear!
> 
> BTW, I may or may not have completely copied Susan's internalized homophobia monologue directly from my own thoughts... ~Self Projection Is How I Cope~  
> Also, Theo preferring not to use labels is based on my IRL best friend cause I'm also a master of ~Non-Self Projection~
> 
> The next few chapters will just be some basic stuff, mostly exploring character relationships and learning more about Albany High. (TAK)WYDLS did start out as a Slice-of-Life kind of fic until I decided to *spice it up* with angst, after all. After that, there will be three major plot arcs which I won't reveal just yet.
> 
> And yeah, thanks to anyone who's still sticking around to read this slow-to-update self-indulgent dumpster fire fic which was born out of my quarantine-induced Maria hyperfixation.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, do me a favour and check this story out on Wattpad too, okay? The username is With_A_Chainsaw  
> Comments and Kudos appreciated!


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